The Fragile Ego

Completely off the subject, I've always marveled over how close Fraggle and the word Fragile happen to be. Sure Fraggle has nothing to do with the word Fragile, but they're only off by a single letter! A single letter can change the whole meaning of a statement and Fraggle is no exception. I must think of other words that can easily change the meaning of the statement, but I'll save that for another time/place.

I was initially going to call this the 'Fragile Male Ego', but I think it would be incorrect to say that only males have an ego. I really don't know where I got it into my head that women don't have them...it must've been the same Old Wives Tale that Women could read minds. By the way, I'm really glad you can't read my mind, but damn, most of you are great at reading body language.

It sucks that when I initially think of something to talk about, I have a great idea and just not enough time to put it all down into words. And then...when I come back to it later, I have completely forgotten the whole point to why I brought it up in the first place.

Oh well, I guess when I think of it, i'll add to this post.

Brownouts and Blackouts afoot

I heard that there's an Energy crisis warning in effect for the summer. This weekend marks the first time i've had to deal with any kind of delayed outage with the power company. Given that the temperature outside my place was well over 100 degrees, I had virtually no choice about running my Air Conditioner....apparently, so did the other several million residents of California...hence the evil energy crisis.

I've got the feeling that this isn't something that will go away without some reforms on how we consume energy.

Speaking of Energy

Given where we are in our evolution, I would think we would be looking into alternative fuels and energy more, but I guess we're not. Perhaps we're content with almost 100yr old technology to function in our Century because it worked for the last 100 years?

I think technology has leapt ahead so far, so quickly, that the people who know about it and understand it are far and few between. When your society is so ignorant to current technology, it's no surprise we have a serious informational Minority. It doesn't help that there's only a few companies that rule the energy industry...this gives them so much power, it's not even remotely amusing.

These companies, let's take the Oil Companies for example. They're a Monopoly and nobody else out there will ever challenge their place as long as they run everything. The Anti-trust laws, in my opinion, were outdated within 25 years of their implementation because Capitalism will still allow Monopolies. Unless the Government interjects, companies can get as large as they want and all we can do about it is complain.

Will this Planet ever pull itself out of the downward spiral of an Energy Crisis? Probably, but it will mean us having to change how we live and as long as the minority is in control of that focus, we'll be subject to the pace they choose to go, regardless of how much it puts us back into the stone age.

I forget where I was going with this...other than being tired of the Heat and the lack of Energy.

Without Power

As I mentioned before, my friend LH is having issues with the power in Queens. Wouldn't you know it that once I started thinking about it that we started having power issues in my neighborhood.

It all started with a loud 'POP' and then everything in the house was suddenly quiet. No AC, no TV, no Fridge, no computer, no porn, no lights, did I already mention no AC? When it was clear to me that the loud noise I heard outside was related, I bucked up and started looking for something else to do.

A while back, I was mentioning that I didn't have any hobbies (outside of reading) that weren't power dependent. It was time for me to go find something else to do. Whilst searching through the scorching garage, I stumbled upon one of my box of books. It's funny that you never realize how many books you have until you move. In my case, I just left all my boxes in the garage and forgot about them (I moved to the current residence in March). So I found some books to keep me occupied while I suffered without power.

I grabbed:

• Contact by Carl Sagan
• I, Robot by Issac Asimov
• The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
• Danny, Champion of the World by Roald Dahl
• A comic book Ren and Stimpy, issue 6 (Spider man vs. Powdered Toast Man)
• Madonna's Nudes - A collection of sexy photographs of Madonna before she became a super Sex Rock Goddess
• Some paper towels in case Madonna and I were to get sweaty~freaky
• Beer

For the first 20 minutes, I milled over the nostalgia of the Comic book, thumbed through pics of Madonna's very untidy box, thought at length over Madonna's very untidy box, decided it was too hot to hang out in the house without AC while thinking about Madonna's box, and went swimming instead.

The outside temperature was a whopping 105 degrees and I remembered the first time I stepped outside from a very well AC'd building in Las Vegas. My lungs burned and my feet protested while cooking on the pavement beneath them. I made short work of the Joint I rolled and settled into the water. I can't exactly describe to you the kind of relief I felt gliding through that divine pool, but I will say that everything I was concerned about before (with the exception of Madonna's box of course) dissolved before my very eyes. By the time I got out of the pool, I was refreshed and didnt even notice how hot it was (at least for a little while) before I got in there.

Have I mentioned how fucking awesome it is to have a pool at your disposal? My kids are gonna so take advantage of it when I go pick them up tonight.

Anyway, have yourselves a good weekend, hopefully the power crisis wont have too much of an effect on my mine.

Sofa King Hot

The summer time is really not as bad as people say it is. Here in sunny California, we have pretty nice weather, even in the winter (if that's what you call it). This spoils the hell out of them because the weather tends to get really hot during the summer (as most places do). In a nutshell, I appreciate summer for the fact that all the ladies are wearing much less clothing.

I appreciate the female gender for having all those lovely skimpy outfits to cause accidents wherever they go. In fact, yesterday, I almost broke my neck from the double-take I made looking at this girl walking down the street. She had dancer's legs and all the right bumps in all the right places...I so wish I could've pulled over to the side of the road and tell her how many places I wanted to put my tongue (on her). Seeing her stroll by really broke my spirit though. It made me realize how badly I miss having a female in my life.

It's not just the sex I miss, it's the visually pleasing shape of their figures, the soft skin to kiss that always smells heavenly, the smile I get on my face when I think of her with me, writing poetry for her~all the shit I've been missing out on pretty much. I'm not really speaking of anyone in particular, just the proverbial 'her' I want in my life.

I hear people say all the time, 'I don't need a man/woman' in my life. Although it's quite true, I can't help but add the exception; 'I don't need one...but I want one'.

introverted

Lately, I can feel the walls building up around me once again. My life has gotten pretty complicated as of late, so I've started prepping my cave for hibernation. The first order is to create a visible 'Not getting laid' look to ward off any chance of female interest. In my case, I let my facial hair grow out, leave the man-smell at home, and I stay away from public exposure at all cost.

I've had to be very true to myself recently, and while I think I am capable of being in a relationship (or even dating), I still don't feel that I have a stable lifestyle. It's just not fair to expect a stable person (for a relationship) when I can't show the same responsibility. How can I justify getting involved when I barely have enough money to pay my rent/child support? This realization has pretty much wiped out all motivation to go out and get sex~yeah, that sucks, doesn't it?

Moving on...I think I've beaten that topic dead...at least for now.

When the lights go out in Queens

A close friend of mine tells me that the City of Queens has been without power for 3 days now. How fucking incredible is that? We live in the 21st century and this still happens?

So this dilemma made me think about this happening on a National level. How fucked would that be? Most perishables (you buy in a supermarket) will only last a day or two without refrigeration and I know I'd be fucked if we didn't have it. Maybe this is a sign of the times to come? One would think that our ability to generate power is virtually limitless, but the blackout in Queens tells me otherwise.

Hopefully they'll get some relief soon. I'd hate to think that my sexy friend will have to go another day or two without some electronics (unless she's got spare batteries I mean *smirk*).

I am a dirty old man

It says so on my smirk, can't you tell?
If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm on my way to hell,
to a land of plaid skirts and white knee-high socks,
where they don't have air conditioning just blazing rocks,
for the most part, I'm completely harmless,
unless you count the nylon ropes and sex harness,
I'm simply an admirer of the feminine gender,
an advocate of their alluring mind bender,
is it really wrong to appreciate their lovely shapes?
to want their scratches and scrapes?
I think it's a matter of choice and intention,
hopefully not of something requiring intervention,
maybe there's still hope that I'll clean up my act,
at least for now, I have something resembling tact,
please forgive me if I stare and gawk,
maybe I'll work the nerve up to promote some talk,
Don't mind me...I'm just a harmless geek,
I'm only looking for your kinky freak.

Weak poetry done on the fly after we were discussing a memorable past-time in high school track. Track was nice in that we all stretched out together, and occasionally, I was paired up with a few lovelies from the ladies team. Me being the hormone-driven male at the time, I was witness to several 'box-shots' whilst being involved in 'helping' the ladies stretch out. I'm really surprised that I didn't get a hard-on in front of them when I glanced a peep.

Yes...I'm a dirty old man for reminiscing these very delicious memories.

Slow Ride

My trip to Southern California was pretty uneventful. I rode the train from 11am to about 9pm on Saturday, had some kickass mexican food (from Alberto's!~w00t!) and went to bed around 1am. The ride down there was pretty uneventful although I did manage to eavesdrop on the racist argument of the Century.

Excuse me while I digress, but I feel it's important to point out that the train is pretty nice for a few reasons:

• They serve Beer and Alcohol on the Train~mmmm..Beer!
• The opportunity to meet new and sometimes interesting people are abundant
• You can nap and not have to worry about crashing/dying (like from having too much to drink)
• You can eavesdrop on some pretty interesting conversations (sometimes) since sound carrys pretty well on the train.
• If you get really bored, you can go hang out in the dinner/lunch car.
• My mind can wander as far as I let it go and I don't have to concentrate on driving.
• Did I mention you can drink on the train?

Overall, I'd say that the only downer about the train is that it takes forever to get to the destination, especially when there's a delay...even a short one. Thankfully, we were on time when it came time for my stop.

Sunday

came a little too early for my liking. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep the night before, and my daughter had an extra box than she left with~fucking grand parents...*sigh*. The train trip was really nice despite having to lug around her stuff from each stop. Of course, my mother has to give me things to take up with us in case we get hungry. She sent a care package of Watermelon, cantaloupe, and Cherries with us, which ended up being more of a hastle because I had something else to carry besides, the kid's luggage, a box full of art supplies, and my backpack. Still, we managed to share the fruit with a new friend we met along the way, so it all worked out.

Single Serving Friend

While I was waiting to catch the bus from LA to Bakersfield, I met up with a very nice young lady from New Jersey. As you may know, I am horribly attracted to that accent, so I ended up talking with her for the whole time we were waiting. It ended up that she was headed the same direction so we paired up for the rest of the trip. My daughter is pretty charming, so we had lots of entertainment while we traveled...she's such a great chick magnet! I gotta take her out in public more often. So Jersey girl and I parted ways with an exchange of emails and a nice hug. It's too bad she was on vacation to see a specific guy, otherwise, I would've offered to *cough* show her some sights in California, perhaps my headboard. It must've been the accent and the eyebrows that made her extra sexy...could've been how kind and considerate she was. *shrugs* I'll have to see what she's up to next time I visit the East Coast.

The Chick Magnet known as my Daughter

When I say that my daughter is adorably charming, I'm really serious about it~she's really that good in person. It's a parent's right to gush about their children, and I intend to do that right now. It seems like whenever I take that little girl in public with me, she manages to gain quite a bit of attention from the Ladies. I inadvertently get attention from it when they find out that i'm her father. I usually get, 'Oh my, you've got beautiful eyes from your Daddy'.

"You can call me Daddy any time..." Have I mentioned that I'm glad nobody can read my mind?

Anyhow, she's smart, goofy, and is an attention whore like I am. I wish I could just bottle up her cuteness and have it on demand when the ice needs to be broken. I doubt very highly that she'll have any problems with finding friends wherever she goes. Best of all, she's still totally innocent...believes in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth fairy~how freaking cool is that? Unfortunately, it wont last much longer, but I intend to enjoy it as much as possible.

I'm really glad to have her back...those 3 weeks were really too long without seeing her shining face.

Okay, I've fucked around here at work long enough. Hope y'all had a nice weekend.

'Friday Fuck-its'

I've got them bad today, and it's not even close to quitting time.

I clocked in at 6am, but I'm waiting for the rest of my brain to arrive so I can make it look like I'm busy. Sure, I've managed to get some Abuse done today, but not enough to really make a full day of it.

Saw my ex-gf in the benefits meeting this morning. For the first time, it wasn't awkward when I made eye contact with her and greeted her. She's definitely starting to show and I'm about ready to go talk to my friend (her current BF) to congratulate him on his uh...fertility. I don't know why it's so important for me to talk to him about it, perhaps I think he could use any encouragement right about now. I'm still his friend and I'm working on being hers as well, but that's going slower than I expected because she's not one to mix work with personal stuff...and I only see her when we're on the clock.

She makes a really cute pregnant chick though, I'll give her that. I realize I've said this before, but I really missed her smile~nice to see it again for a change.

Looks like i'll be spending Saturday and Sunday on the train as I anticipated. Still, it's more convenient to go out there by train because I don't have to stress about driving, don't have to pay for gas, and I can get some rest along the way. It's too bad I can't bring pot with me on the train, otherwise, the trip would be much easier to tolerate.

On the home front,

my son's medication has to be changed once again. It makes him act like he's on speed...never sits still, talks incessantly, and can't really focus on anything. Now comes the dilemma...

I don't want him on meds at his age. He's 10 years old and I just don't want his health to be effected by keeping him doped up on meds. Understanding that I grew up in an age where giving people meds was just in it's beginning stage, I still believe that a shrink is the best way to deal with your deviance. His mother and I discussed it at length and she's agreed to stand firm with me when I speak with the guy that prescribes the drugs (I can never remember if that's the Psychologist, or the Psychiatrist's job) next. We have to figure out some way to get him off the meds, especially if he has to take other drugs to balance himself out.

That's all I have to say about that for now.

Abuse and Identity Theft

I'd say the dirtiest part of my job is when I have to roll up my sleeves and call the people directly. For the most part, I'd say this is a pretty easy facet of my job because most of the people I talk to are Admins or know, in some way, how their network is using our internet service. Occasionally, I have to talk to people who have almost zero experience using a home PC, much less a pocket calculator and those are always the most memorable.

Today, I spoke with a young woman who maintained an apartment complex rental office...not exactly someone you want to ask if you should format your server with Fat32 or NTFS (in the name of server stability), but she was willing to let me educate her on what I was calling about, so it turned out okay after I ended the call. She patiently listened to me explain everything in metaphoric terms and I was very happy to hear that she understood the situation completely. She wasn't the person I needed to talk with, but she will make the arrangements to have those people talk to me. In the mean time, I killed the compromised machine's ability to reach the internet until her Admin could look at it.

Another abuse issue chalked up as 'solved'...thank you, drive through.

The system had been hacked by an unknown source, but had been configured to have a website hosted on it (without this location even knowing it was happening). Said website looks exactly like the financial institution 'claiming' to need their username/password information for a host of different reasons. Most people don't look at the location of the URL, so they enter their info, and pow...they get their info stolen. It ranks down there with challenging the handicapped kids in your elementary school to a game of dodgeball and stealing from little old ladies in my book. If I ever find out the fuck-faces that run this organization, I'm gonna take one for the team and rid them from the genepool. The activity is commonly known as 'phishing' and is becoming a lot more popular as of late.

My sister, for example, had her Identity stolen recently. Having to get all of her financial records changed was a monumentally (emphasis on the mental) huge pain in her ass. I empathyze with her, but almost wish they had stolen mine.

In other news,

It looks like I"ll be taking the train to San Diego for a day or so to pick up the little girl. She's been with my parents since I left and, of course, enjoying the hell out of herself. Being that she's the ultimate gaming cheerleader, my dad's been spending gobs of time with her at his side while he plays on his new Game Cube. Yes...my dad's got a Game Cube and he also plays World of Warcraft~I still think he's the coolest ever for enjoying the same games as I do.

So the train trip will consist of me traveling for a good 18 hours (collectively) because I don't want my vehicle to endure another trip in the blistering heat of the Central Valley. Another perk to taking the train is that I'll get to drink the whole way down~W00t! The last time I took the train, I had too many Arrogant Bastard Ales and greeted my father (who graciously picked me up at the train station) with a stale ale belch~I love you dad!

At least I will have my daughter with me on the way back up to Concord. She makes for an ideal traveling companion because we can entertain eachother pretty effectively. I think a trip to the book store is in order just to make sure we have something to do just in case one of us gets bored.

Hope you all have a nice, relaxing weekend...I'm going back to work now.

Getting out for a drink and some sluts

While I realize this title is vulgar in nature, it's almost entirely accurate.

Yesee, every Tuesday night, there's a dance competition at a local pub. The last time I went to one of these events, I was witness to several scantily clad women putting on their sluttiest moves for a crowd of drooling onlookers. I was pretty surprised how many women there were in this place...I suppose it makes sense...here you have beer, and a large accumulation of the male populace also drinking and looking for women. Sounds like your typical meat market sans the expensive price tag of a potential relationship.

There, I will be gazing at the potpourri of sexy women also consuming alcohol and be reminded that this scene is no longer something I could manage at this stage in my life. Although the probability of finding a female (that could handle being a fuckbuddy) is relatively higher in a bar, I'm still stuck remembering the trivial things I did/said when I was frequenting similar establishments (before my kids came along).

And that last part is probably the only factor stopping me from seeking a fuck friend exclusively. Their personality has too much weight in the situation for me to disregard it. It's certain types of personalities that attract me to a woman and there's really too many for me to list because these change with each person. It sucks being picky, but I can be proud of it for not wasting my time with people I don't like.

Update: I didn't end up going out last night, but it did give me some things to think about when/if I decide to venture into that environment again.

Call me crazy...

but I have the sudden urge to buy power tools right now.

Warning: This video may not be suitable for a workplace environment (unless you work for my department).

Excuse me while I wipe off the drool from my keyboard.

The Festering Axe-Wound

For the sake of anonymity, I will address this person as the 'Axe-wound'. In her case, she's completely deserving of this title. So how did I come to know of this person? Well, axewound is the ex-wife of a good friend of mine (let's call him JT) and she's a fucking cunt. Not the good kind~think of this as the low quality 70's porn kinda bush with horrible smells emitting from it. This is the kind of stank cunt bitch that deserves every bad thing that happens to her. I hate her for him when he has to share a child with her still. When I get an opportunity to speak with her, I will let her know how it feels to be burned alive with words.

To the Cunt:

Fear me you ignorant, self-righteous slut! I've heard you abuse my friend long enough and payback will be prolonged and painful until you've suffered through the same bullshit. I wish a world of pain upon you and the dipshit who calls your filthy hole a home. Who the fuck do you think you are trying to run other peoples' lives? You need a round-house kick to the cranium or two to wake you-the-fuck-up.

Every time you call, it's everything I can do to stop myself from grabbing the phone from him and reveal to you just how many people hate you. It's really hard to believe that such a beautiful kid came from such an evil bitch like you...seriously, I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Hearing all of this...

Makes me really appreciate the relationship I have with my ex-wife. I put up with my own shit from her, but hearing about JT's problems after divorce simply make my skin crawl. I can't help but feel really bad for his situation and how his daughter has already been effected by it. How could axewound do this to her own flesh and blood? This is what makes the situation all-the-more fucked up.

For JT's sake, I have to keep my mouth shut about it, so here is where I vent my frustrations and evil thoughts about making his life 1000% better. Pity the fools that make my friends' lives difficult!

Vent's over...I feel better.

Happy 4th has come and gone

And I still don't know where my life is going. Warning, this wont be a feign of happiness like you read normally (from my blog).

While I was talking with a good friend today, it occurred to me that I talk with her more than I do with my friends who live in the area. Although I do speak with people I regularly game with (almost daily), I don't really think this counts as 'social' interaction. Could that be what I've been craving lately?

The ex and I have been talking a lot more lately as well. Since she's moved closer to my area, we've had several phone calls where we chit-chat for a long time. I feel like a weakling because I feel our bond strengthening again and hope it's not a sign that I still have feelings for her. The truth of the matter is that I attribute our exemplary relationship to the behavior we had during the initial break-up.

To further reiterate that I want to share a friendship with her, I have invited her out to meet some of my friends at a bar in the City. My former coworker is a DJ and never disappoints with the kind of music he and his cohort play. She needs to get out of the house and I think I would like to show my friends that she's really a very enjoyable person to be around.

Alterior motives maybe?

When questioned by friends on why I wanted to bring her along, I think they saw through my explanation that I was rekindling our friendship. I believe that our friendship would become stronger over time regardless of my actions, but I guess I wouldn't mind having some hot sweaty sex with her again. I have justified this to myself for quite some time...she's a good looking woman and the sex we had together was pretty satisfying when she wasn't in pain. I'm going to digress for a moment to explain something. For the latter part of our marriage, she was diagnosed with Endometriosis and even went through with an operation to offer her some relief.

The endo was responsible for a number of years of painful intercourse for her and unfortunately, I was not aware of it for the majority of that time (at least until it was diagnosed). Obviously, when intercourse is painful, who the hell would want to do it? Like the champ that she was, she put out and even managed to enjoy herself once in a while in spite of the pain. I don't think I've ever thanked her for that. It was very selfish of me to resent her for not having sex with me when it was due to a medical reason.

Trust me

I don't think there's any chance or hope for her to return to being my wife. Frankly, I think I've already resigned to the idea that there's still a woman out there for me and it's not her. She's been my companion for a number of years and I remember a time when I was happy for her for finding a boyfriend so quickly. Sure I was jealous as hell that she had someone and I didn't...but I digress.

We've both moved onto the idea that there is no future for our relationship other than sharing what we created. I have a feeling she wouldn't be disagreeable to a few sexual encounters and I honestly don't feel ashamed in asking her for it. She never said I was a lousy lay, and neither have the other women I've had since I was with her, so I suspect it's not a question of skill (at least I hope it's not!), but more a question of preference, perhaps even her mood at the time. Regardless, I will still tell her how hot she is whenever I pick up the kids (or drop them off) and offer her every hint that I still find her very desirable.

Anyhow, enough talk about sex with my ex. Let's talk about me having sex with women considerably younger than I am. For the longest time, I have maintained this 'minimum age' requirement for the women I court. It's been confirmed that women my age play less games and have a considerably higher sex drive, but I guess I just dismissed the probability that women much younger could have these traits as well. *laughs* For the record, their sex drive and their maturity only happens to be a few items on my proverbial wish list. My former age requirement was a formula given to me by coworkers during our locker room-esque discussions on the opposite sex.

Dating age formula: X/2 +7 = Proper dating age

X = Your age

In my case, since I'm turning 33 this year, half is 16.5 plus 7 is 23.5. It's perfectly okay to round down the final number because...uh...when they're almost 10 years younger than you, a couple of months really doesn't matter.

So there ya have it...I can successfully date women as young as 23. This is bullshit considering that women mature at different rates. Maturity happens to be a factor of what they've been exposed to in the past or circumstantial. This being said completely destroys my locker room formula.

Dating women younger than 21 seems like a bad idea considering I could very easily get popped with a 'Minor in Possession' if there was ever any suspicion I fed them alcohol. 21 feels right when I think about it...anything else would just seem wrong unless there was some serious chemistry happening. There also happens to be serious difference in ideology when there's such a deviation in their age. What things would I have in common with someone over 10 years younger than I am? Probably sex, lust, drugs, and alcohol just to name a few.

Anyhow, the day is over now. Time for me to leave this place and drink beer. MMMmmm...beer.