I may be a slut...

But I will never fuck Karma...not even if she went down on me first. This weekend, for example, I took my kids out to their fave restaurant and I was about $4 short with the cash I had on me. To make matters worse, I didn't have my new ATM card yet, so I had to cowboy up and tell the waiter I couldn't pay the entire bill. The manager must've been having a nice day because he told me that I was free to go. The people who served me would be getting screwed out of their hard earned gratuity if I didn't return...and I couldn't have it looming over my head.

After I dropped the kiddies off at their mother's place (and borrowed the cash from her), I sped back to the restaurant to pay my dues. The waiter and the manager were both shocked that I showed up with the remainder of my bill and a nice tip (around 25%) for their hard work. It was nice to have made their day even though they really wouldn't have starved without it. Still, I prefer to have my conscience clear of the little things like that.

Caution: Trainwreck

I adore my coworkers for providing links like this to keep me occupied when i'm in need of a good laugh. The above link is a collection of snapshots of searches performed by AOL users. Apparently, AOL mistakenly released 3 months worth of keyword searches. Some are freaking hilarious, others are downright creepy.

I hope you enjoy it, but bear in mind, you wont be able to look away until it's all gone.

Update, Glorious Update

My conversation with a bank representative left me in a state of perpetual shock. You can pretty much assume that the situation is moving forward in the direction of my preference. I am pleased beyond words that they made this so easy on me.

Sometime in the next 48 hours, the nice bank rep I spoke with informed me that they're issuing a credit to my account. The cumulative amount is nearly 95% of the original number we came up with last night (including the overdraft fees) and I really don't know what to say about it. The only thing I need to do is sign my name on the affadavit they're sending in the next few days, and hopefully I can put this behind me.

Until I see the numbers in my account, y'know, besides the Zero, I'll still have some lingering doubts on whether what I was told will come true. All I can say is that friday can't come soon enough!

Identity Theft and Me

For the last few months, I've noticed a serious problem with respect to my money management. I have also not been receiving my monthly statements since I moved from Modesto (to my current dwelling)...something that really didn't concern me until I went to my bank last week and found that I had about $700 less than I anticipated. Since I no longer share an account with anyone, I rarely ever checked my statements or balanced my checkbook which led me to call my bank in the first place (yesterday).

I found out some interesting things when I called them. I discovered that they never changed my billing/mailing address even though I had asked them to do it twice (just before I moved in March). After I found out about the online banking, I checked it out when I got home from work today. What I discovered absolutely shocked me and also left me with a little relief from my pity party.

So here goes...

I saw an alarming number of transactions from $20 to $120 from various Cellphone Carriers. Said transactions had been taking place since March of this year with as many as 4 separate transactions per day. The total damage including overdraft fees and the amount those fuckfaces stole was approximately $4,500...yes, 4.5k in capital...stolen..from me...without me knowing because I trusted the system and didn't bother to ask them forward my statement to the address I gave them in MARCH.

Today, has been one hell of a day for me to say the least. In one hour, I found out why I have not been able to keep up my end of the utilities (since March...seeing a pattern here?), why I have to tell my kids we're having top ramen again for dinner, and why I can't buy my kids school clothes this year. Sure I partly blame myself for negligence. In this electronic world, my money is automatically transferred to the bank without my hands touching it. I keep a mental note of how much is in there at one time, and unfortunately, this has resulted in the theft of my hard-earned money. This is a mistake I will never make again. I can't rely on the Banks to see multiple transactions on the same account in separate states and have them flag it as suspicious activity.

I've been told that there's a high probability that I wont get back a significant sum of this money due to federal regulations, but I think that's bullshit. Whenever they do manage to investigate this and compensate me, I'm going to thank them repeatedly, then promptly move it over to another competitor. Maybe if they manage to give me all of it back...I might change my mind.

So wow...I have been here in shock for hours now. Here I was thinking I'm a complete tool for not knowing where my money's been going and yes, I've acknowledged that I should've been aware of it much earlier. I'm done beating myself up about that...I'm now onto, 'Holy shit, I'm not a fuck-up!' realizations.

'Holy shit...I'm not a fuckup'~that's got a nice ring to it!

Life after 32

A week after my birthday and I'm still struggling to find my way through the maze known as my mind. People tend to get in a funk right around their birthday for various reasons and I'm no different in this case. What is it about the annual that makes me want to isolate myself and leave my phone turned off?

I personally think it has to do with the reminder that we're getting older. As I'm reminded how young I am, I am rarely ever satisfied with where I am in life. My kids make me painfully aware of this because I cannot provide the extras for them. I guess you could say I'm tired of telling them I can't afford the things just outside the necessities. Sure I keep them fed, clothed, and ensure they have a roof over their head, but I'm more referring to the other stuff...fun stuff.

My financial mess is caused from my very poor money management skills. I also blame laziness and fear that it's worse than I could possibly imagine. It seems I excel at making excuses, which I find to be rather counterproductive. This recent funk has pushed me to re-examine my situation and do something about it. It's imperative that I pull myself out of debt if I'm going to give my kids the life they deserve.

So I have decided to make a list...a very honest list with myself. I wont be sharing this due to the personal nature of it and let's face it, who wants to air the kind of dirty laundry with the brown stains on them? I can, at least tell you what sort of things are on this grocery list without divulging too much.

Things that need to change (in no particular order of importance):

• Financial misery - I hate admitting this, but I need a better quality of living.
• My laziness - Gaming has a lot to do with this, so guess what else needs to go?
• Gaming - My guild is gonna hate me for it, but it's probably time for me to walk away until I can be responsible with it.
• Poking Smot - I'd like to be able to finish sentences without cloudy interference.
• Better living - Not through chemistry, but living where I am not subject to other peoples' noise/temperments...y'know outside of my kids.
• My Sore Ass - Ever been tired of sitting on your ass for years? *raises hand*
• My Sex Life - More please, thank you.
• My Love Life - Mmmm...maybe after I sort out this other bullshit...I will settle for sex.
• My Attitude - This will probably be the hardest thing to change because it requires everything to be moving in a satisfactory direction.
• My Cave - The cave is my proverbial hiding spot~it tends to promote my 'Head-in-the-sand' mentality...time to leave it behind and let someone else hibernate there.
• My Eating Habits - I hear it's cheaper to bring your food anyway.

This is a pretty accurate summary of the things I need to change about myself. My kids really need a better life than what I've given them so far and it's surprising they've turned out to be pretty cool in spite of that.

The goals I set for myself seem very daunting, but I have turned a blind eye to it for too long now. It wont go away if I look the other direction. I owe it to myself, I owe it to my kids...they deserve so much better than this.

Oh yeah...one more thing.

Thanks to everyone that commented on my birthday post. I ended up taking my kidlings to my fave pizza spot in the Bay area. It was really enjoyable to spend that time with them and they make me proud with how they act in public. The pizza was awesome as usual, but frankly, I think I liked the company better.

"Happy Birthday,

now get back to fuckin work..."

It's 6am, and I still don't want to goto work. Nobody should have to do anything on the anniversary of their birth, unless it's something decadent of course.

It's now 8:15am and I still don't want to be at work.

Maybe they'll let me leave early today.

Phone Sex

I've had entirely too much phone sex this weekend. It was dirty, delicious, and satisfying~something I haven't had in quite a long time. You don't even want to know how long it's been since I had sex last and I'm not going to remind you. Today, I don't feel like humping the leg of any remotely attractive women, so I suppose this is a good improvement.

'You need to get laid', was what I heard myself saying in echo to the woman on the other end of the phone. She doesn't bullshit me, I like her for that...she also doesn't try to comfort me which is really what I don't need at this stage in my life. I'm hooked to this woman's sexy phone voice too...it just makes me wanna touch myself~*laughs*

Like every one of my other virtual sexual encounters, she's on the other side of the Nation, which makes it quite difficult to completely let loose any of this sexual frustration. It makes me ever more aware that I need to clean up my act if I want to find anyone local. I suppose this is the curse of the internet rearing it's ugly head again~here you meet great people, but they're never close enough to enjoy properly.

The Weekend with the kids

I had a nice quiet weekend with the kidlings. The more I see them lately, the more I'm starting to realize how much I'm missing when I'm not with them all the time. The ache of missing them was only partially satiated because I had to return them last night.

The trip to and from their mother's house is nice in that we can listen to music together. I discovered that my son likes techno and good ol fashioned rock and roll. It's really difficult to get them to listen to classical music, but I guess I'll take what I can get.

The pool kept them pretty well occupied which also seconds as a good means of exercise. I even jumped in despite there being some exceptionally cool weather in the area. It's really exciting to see them adapting to that environment. The little girl is slowly becoming the cat fish she's always wanted to be. Pices...go figure. The boy is an excellent swimmer as well...he was quite pleasant to have this weekend too.

I'm am 'Captain Loogie'

My daughter seems to think I am a loogie God. While we were swimming this weekend, I had to expel the phloem caught in my throat and I didn't realize she would react the way she did. Immediately after I expectorated on the fence (15 feet away), she erupted in laughter and shrieked 'Awesome Daddy!'. It warms my heart that she would adore me for being able to spit really far...gawd I love that kid! She then quoted a line from Ace Ventura 2, which fucking blew me away, 'It is the mucus that binds us!'. No wonder she's so twisted, who lets her watch that junk anyway? I wonder how they got their hands on my copy?


'The Cook'

I cooked baked chicken for them on Saturday which turned out really good despite the fact that little girl preferred to eat only her beans. Sadly, she's all about the fact that Beans make her fart than any nutritional value. Methinks I need to read 'the BFG', but I'm afraid I might be more *chuckle*~fueling her flatulent fascination. We're gonna have to keep an eye on the little girl...she's fucking trouble.

I'm a Slacker...here's why:

I haven't really been updating the blog as much lately due to some necessary changes in my lifestyle. Fortunately, I have several drafts saved up, so once I get some free time, I'll update you on what's been going on with me. I wish I could say it's been more interesting, but hey, now you know why I haven't been writing much.

My next few posts (beyond today's date) will likely be me complaining about not getting stoned for a long time...be forewarned. Hope y'all had a nice weekend too.

No respect, no Love

It's a shame that not everyone thinks about the other person when they pick up the phone to make a complaint. It is also infinitely worse to insult the other person on the phone when they happen to have the ability to help you solve your problems. In a nutshell, don't shit where you eat unless you're into that sort of thing (see 'SCAT' and see 'Help').

Whenever I'm out in public, I am always aware of the people who provide services for us...especially those that prepare my food. I'm not going to take the risk of having anything added to what I order, especially if it's not on the menu (if you know what I mean). Which means I am all about the ass-kissing wherever I go. I don't care if they haven't washed their ass, if they handle my food, they're the best service person I've ever met and it's my honor to be served by them.

Don't people stop and think about their behavior? Rhetorical question. I realize they don't...hell, there are times when I go through a whole day without thinking about my behavior (Thank gawd for Saturday/Sunday). Seriously you dipshits, apparently you don't know what spit tastes like, do you?