Message in a bottle
(written on what appears to be poorly cured parchment)
To whom it may concern,

I'm stranded on an island, as far as I can tell, in the middle of nowhere. I don't know how to get off this island, but at least the seafood supply is well stocked. My best friend is a rock that looks surprisingly like Andy Dick and ironically much more entertaining. His name is Frank, but only because he doesn't spare my feelings when I really need to hear the truth.

Frank says that I'm 'losing' whatever I had before becoming stranded here. I think he means that I'm going crazy(er) the longer I stay here. Not that I have much choice about where I live since my neighbors are more ocean and aquatic life.

I believe what Frank says is true that if I don't get off this island that I'll go completely mental. Then again, my best friend is a rock, so maybe it's already happened and nobody told me?

Send help!

Yours truly,
Tobiwan

PS. Send beer!