Kids are worth it
I'm stealing this from my pal Sizzle who has the 2nd coolest nephew in the world (I have 4 that take the first position by default, sorry Sizz!). It's the truth and I know this because I see it every time I spend time with my children. Even though they're basically both Teenagers, they are still my two favorite kids, ever.

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of being involved with my daughter's School event. They called it the 'Summer Solstice', but it was more like an excuse to raise funds for future events. It consisted of several booths containing games where people payed (with tickets) to play. They could win prize tickets which could then be turned in to get cheapie prizes. My initial thought; Not so impressed.

My Ex was with us and had been asked to run one of these game booths, so I decided to hang out since my daughter was busy mingling with her friends. It turned out that the booth the Ex was managing was pretty popular (the bean bag toss) and eventually, I got roped into participating in the running of the game booth. Contrary to my initial thoughts about it, I really enjoyed myself running that booth. It helps that I get along quite well with my Ex and pretty soon, our tent was swarming with eager young players.

It seriously warmed my heart to provide encouragement to each kid to step up for a try. To see their faces when they succeeded (even remotely) was a reward in itself. Sure there were a few shitheads to show up, but the majority of the kids were polite and quite well behaved. I had several lovely mommies to flirt with and, as always the case when I'm around lots of kids, a few new friends to help keep me company. My Ex tells me I'm a kid magnet, and I think she's right to some degree.

The proverbial icing on the cake was added by the arrival and frequent loitering of my daughter and her friend. It was so nice to have her hang out with me in spite of other fun things to do at the Carnival. The fact that she kept coming back was a good reminder that my little girl is still mine. My requirement for her, if she wanted more tickets, was that she pay me in hugs. I feel this was a good trade considering I held her for a while and whispered to her how much I loved her each time. You'd think it would get old for her, but she never once pushed me away or let go until I had my fill of her embrace. I will always know she loves me, but the hugs are a great reinforcement to that feeling.

Even as I write this weeks after the event, I have very fond memories of the good times we had that day. I never thought having kids would make me such a softy, but it's the truth. They both make me very happy and I can barely remember what it was like to not have them.

Unconditional love rules. That's all.

"Out of sight...out of mind"

The latter half of that cliche' is one that is truly appropriate to my situation. Yes, indeed, that's the honest truth about my driving situation. It's really too overwelming to look at without the wincing...a lot. Yes...I'm out of my fucking mind to openly ignore my transportation problem. It's now a 'problem' because for every month I have it sitting somewhere, I have to continue paying someone to keep it there.

I'm considering just selling it and moving on with my life, but here's the other problem I've been ignoring for much longer: My financial situation... which would take several years for me to patch up making it that much harder for me to afford an acceptable vehicle.

It's safe to say that I excel in my skills of denial. I wish I was this good with my other skills.

And a special thanks to the coworker that directly asked me about my transportation situation. I thanked her and asked her to kick me in the nuts again. Dammit, why can't she just let me sit in my own filth? I can't be mad at her for asking, I don't think she knew it was an equally sore subject as my pending divorce (by pending, I mean that I'll eventually get one, but no, I haven't filled out any paperwork much less even thought about it).

Maybe I should think about getting these things fixed. Yeah.

I'm still standing

Thank you Elton John for contributing to today's blog title. It really doesn't have anything to do with standing or remaining prone or erect or anything...not that I have any problems with remaining erect (unless alcohol is involved).

Today, I'm going to talk about waking up every day and getting out of bed to perform the tasks we must do to enjoy whatever lifestyles we maintain. It really takes a lot of discipline to keep doing this and not go nutty.

We have the weekends to thank for our breaks in our jobs, unless you're one of the fortunate people to not have to be bound by a schedule. Either way, if we were to be stuck doing our jobs or tasks every day, every hour, I bet more people would turn to drugs or other vices to escape.

This subject came up today while I was reflecting how long I've worked at this current job. I called myself a 'noob' (meaning still new at the job), and I was corrected by my partner in crime; 'Kitty'. She's quite effective at giving me a good slap of reality when I need it. Anyway, she corrected me by saying that I was not a 'noob' by now. It has, after all, been 7 months since I started this job. Although this doesn't exactly mean that I'm an expert, it does imply that I can't use the excuse that 'I'm new here' any longer.

And then I thought about how long it's been since I've taken a sick day. Have I ever taken a sick day here? Not thus far! I think this is quite an accomplishment considering how easy it was to justify calling in and giving myself a free day off (at my previous employer). I guess this is an improvement in my attitude as well as a reflection of how much different this job is than the last. I may be late every now and then, but I show up, I do my work, and sometimes I even go home late.

The wheels

Riding the bike has been quite theraputic for me thus far. Although I still need to get myself a light and probably a new bike, I have settled into the habit of the 6 mile ride to the BART. It sure as hell beats the 45 minute ride on a Bus and then another 45 minute trip home I would normally do on Public Transportation. There's a certain freedom in riding my bike instead of being trapped on a Bus. I like the freedom and believe that I will continue to travel this way even when I get my Automobile at a functional state.

My thighs and calves are looking quite robust, so the physical improvements are more than enough to encourage me to continue doing this. My legs haven't looked this good in years and I'm managing to make my jeans a tad more loose than normal. These are all positive steps to improving myself and it might even mean I'll get laid again. Yay for me.

Hearing from an old friend

Facebook has been quite reliable in keeping me in touch with people that I am fond of with maybe a few exceptions. It's also reminded me how many really awesome people that have touched my life thus far.

Another female friend from my past has recently made an appearance in Facebook and it's been really a treat talking to her again. I was pleasantly surprised to see how she has blossomed into womanhood like I knew she would. Have I really known this many wonderful girls in my lifetime? Given all the beautiful women I know now (inside and out), I can't help thinking that this the reward I get for being the nice guy..and no, I'm being serious here!

Sorry to cut this off so abruptly, but I ran out of things to talk about and I have to get ready for my ride home. Ciao!

"Because you can't argue with crazy"

Is word-for-word what my collegue said about the resident nutcase in my office. I had no idea how this person got past my radar, but lo and behold...I now see it for myself. Everything all adds up now, whereas before, it seemed like something was amiss with this woman.

As some of you already know, I am infamously oblivious to certain behavior, but you would think I could recognize my own kind. Contrary to this, I believe that everyone is crazy in their own special way. She's a whole different kind of crazy, so this is probably why I didn't notice until just recently. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it!

What did it for me was when stupid me opened his mouth and offered a public thought to her (in passing at the proverbial watering hole). Stupidity sounded like this:

"Oh hi Crazy Chick..." (no, I didnt' really call her that...) I smiled and then I thought about a conversation we had previously about her hair (when she asked what I thought of the style). Before thinking about the consequences, the brain-to-mouth filter failed to stop the question, "Have you ever had your hair in a Bob Style?"

Crazy Chick stopped dead in her tracks and immediately fired back, "What? Don't you like my hairstyle?" She asked in a more-than-the-situation-called-for-serious tone.

Big mistake, I know! I still wince when I think about this. Guys, you know you're not supposed say anything besides compliments when you comment on a girl's hair. Doesn't matter if they're crazy or not. You must be prepared for the the consequences if you tread on this territory.

I stammered my response, caught completely off-guard by the response, "Uhhh, ...." I had to think fast, "No, I didn't say I didn't like it. I was just thinking a Bob Style would look good on you, that's all." I tried to smile as innocently as possible as to not further fan the flames of crazy.

She still didn't look convinced, but nothing I said seemed to pull me out of the fire...in fact...the more I talked, the more it seemed she was sure that's what I meant by my comment. If she was messing with me, I sure was unable to read it. Believe me, I was looking for any signs that she was serious...a wink, a dimple, anything! I think she was kidding, but it didn't seem like it at the time. Later that day, when I received a call from her, she jabbed me with, 'Even though you hate my hair.' Yeah, she was joking, or was she?

Who fucking knows/cares?

Seriously though, this isn't the first time she's come up with her own conclusion (while also completely dismissing anything to counter it). I have learned to not argue with her simply because it gets me nowhere. No matter what kind of logic I use, it's just shot down and buried before my very eyes. So yeah...I should know by now not to argue with Crazy. It's just impossible and pointless.

Anyone know someone like this? Do you just smile and play along like I do?

I've taken it a step further by telling her that from now on, whatever she says...is right. I agree. That's all I will say...even if I don't really agree. It keeps her happy and that's cool with me as long as our paths don't cross very often.

Someone please give my boss something to do

She needs help and I believe that she needs something better to do than to ride my ass all day about trivial shit. At my company, we have the 'open door' policy which, I think, means 'There's the door, it's open, feel free to use it at any time'. I don't feel so comfortable with telling my boss this because I think she wont really understand she's doing it.

As a friend once said, 'You can't argue with crazy'. I definitely know how futile it is to match logic up against one that obviously has no business with dealing in terms of reality. It's one of those things that you just can't, no matter how hard you try to force logic, do anything to convince the crazy person anything other than the undeniable truth. Of course, if this person doesn't see anything beyond their own truth, you're fucked and still stuck in the same place you are now.

Anywho, I am convinced that no matter how much logic or reality I present upon my case, I still will be unable to convince the crazy party that they're wrong...no matter how I do it.

You could say that I feel some semblance of futility on my part, but this is where I tell you that I am rebelling against crazy and saying officially that they have no place in reality. We all know that they only exist to test our faith in reality and those that do it really make us appreciate how much we are aware of our reality.

End rant.

Random story

So as you know, I have been taking public transportation for a while now. And in doing so, I generally see the same people quite frequently. I see the Bus drivers especially more often than anyone else, so I naturally want to know their names. I dont know why this is, but I figure I see someone every day, why not find out their name?

There's this one woman bus driver I see almost every day and the first time I asked for her name, she refused to tell me. From that point on, I was determined to continue to guess her name until I was correct. Plus, she's cute, what's the harm in a little game I never intended to win?

In keeping my promise, because I'm just crazy like that, every day I saw her, I gave her a new name.

Today was the day my guess was finally correct. I was just standing in line to get onto the bus and the name just formulated in my head. Introspectively, I randomly thought of a name I've heard Aussies use (I think to define as some random female) and chose it on impulse. When I said, 'good morning Sheila', her expression went from her usual smile to that of shock.

"What did you say??" She said wide-eyed.
"Um, good morning Sheila?"
"H-how did you come up with that?" still in bewildered surprise.
"How did I come up with it? I dunno, I was thinking about Sheila E" (lying because I didn't want her to think I was calling her some Sheila) still clueless as to what she was asking...typical.
"My name, that's my name!"
"You're kidding me!!!" She showed me her bus driver ID...yup...Sheila!

I think my reaction was enough for her to see that I guessed her name at random. I was totally caught off-guard because I never thought I would ever guess it. Hell, I started with 'A' and decided to work my way up the alphabet. Once I ran out of 'A' names, I decided to just start picking names at random...usually while I was just stepping on board the bus.

Honestly, I thought it would never happen, and quite frankly, it was fun coming up with new names every time I saw her. It was like our own inside joke and now I don't know what to do. I feel that our little game just ended too quickly and now I'm struggling to figure out how to replace it.

The end.

The dance of two left feet

I've never been much of a dancer except when I took that Ballroom Dancing class (several years ago). It's even worse now that I'm involved in this informal version of a dance to which I have no idea where to put my feet. I am used to falling on my face, but it doesn't prevent me from flinching while thinking about it.

I'm referring, of course, to this dance of subtlety involved in the courting process. I realize that we have not even come to the point of courting, but I can't help but try to plan my moves early...just in case. This is another one of those neurotic, stupid feelings I have when I meet someone that interests me. They're on my mind often, I read way too much into their communications and I become terribly impatient. It's no surprise that, thus far, my life has been full of unsuccessful relationships.

A good friend decided to slap some sense into me by reminding me of how this stupid dance works. I have been showing entirely too much interest in Salon Girl, and I need to just fucking 'wait and see'. I acknowledge this, so I'm now going to back off and wait~exactly what I don't really feel like doing.

And now she has sent me her 2nd email today after the first one explained that she was bored out of her mind. I should really stop reading into this and let things happen on their own. But where's the fun in that?

I just said 'to hell with it' and asked her for her phone number since I never directly asked her for it. To my relief, her reply included her phone number. Why was that so hard? Probably because I can't turn off my fucking brain.

So next comes my call...which I think is going to be easier than actually asking for her phone number. I've already talked to her on the phone, so we shall see where that takes us.

I have a few places in mind for a first date or whatever it's called; The Hookah Lounge or Bowling...maybe Sushi. I like all 3 ideas, but the Hookah Lounge seems like it's the best option considering she's a casual smoker.

Stay tuned for more neurotic over-analysis!