Another Career Change

As some of you have already predicted, the life of a Salesperson is not turning out to be as awesome as first date sex. Not even 'been-dating-for-a-month-sex' level (although in contrast, if I had to wait that long to have sex with a female I was dating, it might be close to atmospheric level Orgasms). But I digress.

It's not that I have any problems pitching the products, but I think I provide them (prospective clients) a little bit too much information (as my Manager tells me). I believe he's right about everything (and it's good to massage his ego to further keep him off my ass) he's coached me on so far.

After applying these coaching tips, I am still seeing a seriously tragic flaw: Me. It's my personality that is impeding my success. I'm waaaaay too over-analytical and I have this thing called 'morals'.

Dropped the bomb

A few days ago, my Manager confronted me and asked me for a reason on my poor performance lately. I couldn't lie to the man's face...I had to tell him that I've been faking this for weeks now and that Sales just isn't the career I had hoped it would be. The relief is overwhelming, moreso than I ever thought it would be. If I didn't have to start looking for another job ASAP, I would be completely at peace with the world (maybe a cold beer would go nicely with it!).

I can't believe how relaxed I feel...it's testament to how much I really hated my job. That's right...I said job because that's all it was to me. The pay is great, but that's about all that's great about it.

Because nothing is ever easy

In light of my situation, I've atleast walked away from this with a positive outlook. Much like I did with my former Marriage, I knew what kind of women I wanted and wouldn't settle for anything less. The same could be said for my career and this will help me weed out anything I know I wouldn't like.

When I do finally get into the interview chair, my enthusiasm will be genuine and I have faith that it will make all the difference. Wish me luck on my job search(again)!

Users, Abusers, and Losers

We have some new faces here at the job lately. Two are male, the 3rd is a female of above average physical beauty. To say she was gorgeous would've been accurate when I first met her, but after being here for a month now, I'm starting to see the ugly face of the beast (within her).

Someone else said it best when they also observed that she seems to expect others to do things for her.

I'll use an example and see if you can see why I want to stab her in the face.

Her: Toby, what's the answer to this customer's question (as she indicated to an email she received from a prospect)?
Me: (Examining the email thoughtfully)Hmmmm...I'm not sure what they mean with this question. It's not in proper context. You should reply with a request for them to clarify their question.
Her: (already becoming impatient with me) They mean they want to know if they can transfer their emails to our servers (still totally out of context).
Me: I still don't know what that means. Do you mean they want to know if they can transfer their mail domain to be hosted by our servers?
Her: You're confusing me! Just nevermind! (and she turned to her monitors completely tuning me out)
Me: (as I'm walking back to my desk shaking my head) You're welcome!

Personally, I don't mind helping people if they really want to know the answer and will apply it to later instances, but when you ask me a question, then blow me off when I didn't give you the right answer...kindly fuck off!~

This isn't the first time I've witnessed her 'user' tendencies either. She's done with others in my department and it's everything I can do to stop myself from correcting her on her unsavory behavior. The look on my Engineer's face when she non-verbally dismissed him (after he provided her with an answer to her question) said everything I've wanted to say when she did it to me.

I eventually resigned myself to not be a dick about it, but I will now encourage her to not ask me for anything. My theory is that if I continue giving her long winded answers, she'll just stop asking me questions.

If that doesn't break her of it, I'll have to start finding ways to make her days here very uncomfortable.

Anyone have any suggestions on how I can politely crush this bitch?

Mission Improbable

I have decided to run for President in light of the recent political battles we've all ignoredwitnessed lately. Here are the things I'd like to change if elected (listed in no particular order of preference):

• Increase funding for Research of Alternative Fuel sources - I'm totally tired of paying so much for transportation. Public transportation has never looked so much like an 18yr old virgin until lately.
• Decrease the cost of Divorce - In light of the Gay Marriage law I might as well make it as cheap to Divorce as it is to get Married pleasekthx.
• Legalize Marijuana - ...And tax the hell out of it. I'm so tired of hearing it lumped in with hardcore drugs. FFS people, it's not even among the top five of abused substances!
• Prohibit the mis-use of the word irony - It means "the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning". Please, fucking get it right!
• Ban the use of Cell phones in the Supermarket checkout line - Yes, that look of contempt on my face is from you holding up the fucking line!
• Institute Public floggings - I'm not a big fan of whippin, but some people could use about 10 lashes while hand-cuffed to a pole (can you tell I've been reading Starship Troopers lately?). These will be for minor offenses, such as Drunk Driving, Perjury, Forgery, etc.
  
• Lower the legal drinking age to 18 - Although I think we may not be mature enough as a nation to do this, Europe seems to not have too many issues with drinking related deaths.
  
• Ban the creation and distribution of useless statistics - this might put the bean-counters out of business but it's worth not cringing when I hear someone say 'statistics show...'.
• Disallow Criminals to joining the Military - I still think this is a horrible idea. What better way to reinforce the World's hatred for your Country by sending Thugs to 'protect' their oil?
• Increase Public Educator Wages - After recently visiting my Daughter's Elementary School, I can see we have much to improve upon with respecting those who put up with our children 5 days a week.
• Lift the Trade Embargo on Cuba - We should all be able to enjoy cigars and kickass baseball players without having to obtain them illegally (the cigars I mean).
  

That's all I can think of for now. I'll have my Campaign Manager draw up all these proposals and make them all look politically correct.

Vote for Tobiwan please and thank you!

My poor neglected fraction of the internets

is really looking barren, especially considering the last time I posted was in April! Suddenly it's fucking June and I have a big goose egg to represent the whole month of May. It's a damn good thing I'm not being graded on this.

I totally missed out re-telling the story of my special day, Cinco De Mayo. Check out the archives or you can clicky on this link if you're lazy. Note: I'm not calling you lazy if you choose to save yourself the 3 minutes it takes to look through my Archives for May.

Good stuff there and for the record, I took a personal day to reflect on my situation in life. That turned out to be depressing, so I decided to get really stoned instead! Hooray for Sentient Appreciation Day!

Let's see, what else is on the home front. Ahhh, yes. I am finally seeing some decent payoff with this stupid sales job. It took me long enough to get to where I am, and I will have to admit that it's worth it (for now). The jury's still out if I really am going to stick with this career.

My gut still tells me that this only a speedbump in the road, but I figure I can at least enjoy the monetary benefits of the job. There's plenty of things I hate about the job, but the only things I can say I like about it is that I get to work with more women, my schedule is flexible, and I have the potential to make pretty good cash.

But is it all worth it in the long run? *shrugs* Probably not. There are still days that I arrive at work saying to myself, 'this place blows...' I just don't see myself doing a job for very long when I still feel this way. *sigh* Maybe, someday, I'll figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

In other news...

I'd like to say that I've been busily preparing for my children's future and sowing the seeds of success, but that's a big fat lie. The truth of the matter is that I've been busily working on my Mario Kart and Smash Brothers (Brawl) skills with the intention of humbling my two over-confident children.

The boy, you see, is completely convinced that he's the top player in the house-hold (over 3 adults as well). He's a shithead to play against because he's a poor sport. He absolutely hates losing, but when he's winning, it's all about how fucking awesome he is. My roommates are ready to throw him into the pool whenever they hear him say, 'I can't believe how good I am at this game!'.

It's been a challenge getting him to humble-the-fuck out. How many times do I have to chastise him for being a braggart? I'm sure there were times when I was a little fuckface when I played against others, but I learned to keep my mouth-the-fuck-shut...eventually.

Am I approaching this in the right way? Probably not, but I don't see any other way of teaching him to be a better sport than to DOMINATE HIS FLEDGLING ASS into a puddle of whimpering humility. It was either that, or train his sister to do it, but I'd rather only damage his ego, not completely destroy it!

Wish me luck!