"Because you can't argue with crazy"

Is word-for-word what my collegue said about the resident nutcase in my office. I had no idea how this person got past my radar, but lo and behold...I now see it for myself. Everything all adds up now, whereas before, it seemed like something was amiss with this woman.

As some of you already know, I am infamously oblivious to certain behavior, but you would think I could recognize my own kind. Contrary to this, I believe that everyone is crazy in their own special way. She's a whole different kind of crazy, so this is probably why I didn't notice until just recently. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it!

What did it for me was when stupid me opened his mouth and offered a public thought to her (in passing at the proverbial watering hole). Stupidity sounded like this:

"Oh hi Crazy Chick..." (no, I didnt' really call her that...) I smiled and then I thought about a conversation we had previously about her hair (when she asked what I thought of the style). Before thinking about the consequences, the brain-to-mouth filter failed to stop the question, "Have you ever had your hair in a Bob Style?"

Crazy Chick stopped dead in her tracks and immediately fired back, "What? Don't you like my hairstyle?" She asked in a more-than-the-situation-called-for-serious tone.

Big mistake, I know! I still wince when I think about this. Guys, you know you're not supposed say anything besides compliments when you comment on a girl's hair. Doesn't matter if they're crazy or not. You must be prepared for the the consequences if you tread on this territory.

I stammered my response, caught completely off-guard by the response, "Uhhh, ...." I had to think fast, "No, I didn't say I didn't like it. I was just thinking a Bob Style would look good on you, that's all." I tried to smile as innocently as possible as to not further fan the flames of crazy.

She still didn't look convinced, but nothing I said seemed to pull me out of the fire...in fact...the more I talked, the more it seemed she was sure that's what I meant by my comment. If she was messing with me, I sure was unable to read it. Believe me, I was looking for any signs that she was serious...a wink, a dimple, anything! I think she was kidding, but it didn't seem like it at the time. Later that day, when I received a call from her, she jabbed me with, 'Even though you hate my hair.' Yeah, she was joking, or was she?

Who fucking knows/cares?

Seriously though, this isn't the first time she's come up with her own conclusion (while also completely dismissing anything to counter it). I have learned to not argue with her simply because it gets me nowhere. No matter what kind of logic I use, it's just shot down and buried before my very eyes. So yeah...I should know by now not to argue with Crazy. It's just impossible and pointless.

Anyone know someone like this? Do you just smile and play along like I do?

I've taken it a step further by telling her that from now on, whatever she says...is right. I agree. That's all I will say...even if I don't really agree. It keeps her happy and that's cool with me as long as our paths don't cross very often.

Someone please give my boss something to do

She needs help and I believe that she needs something better to do than to ride my ass all day about trivial shit. At my company, we have the 'open door' policy which, I think, means 'There's the door, it's open, feel free to use it at any time'. I don't feel so comfortable with telling my boss this because I think she wont really understand she's doing it.

As a friend once said, 'You can't argue with crazy'. I definitely know how futile it is to match logic up against one that obviously has no business with dealing in terms of reality. It's one of those things that you just can't, no matter how hard you try to force logic, do anything to convince the crazy person anything other than the undeniable truth. Of course, if this person doesn't see anything beyond their own truth, you're fucked and still stuck in the same place you are now.

Anywho, I am convinced that no matter how much logic or reality I present upon my case, I still will be unable to convince the crazy party that they're wrong...no matter how I do it.

You could say that I feel some semblance of futility on my part, but this is where I tell you that I am rebelling against crazy and saying officially that they have no place in reality. We all know that they only exist to test our faith in reality and those that do it really make us appreciate how much we are aware of our reality.

End rant.

Random story

So as you know, I have been taking public transportation for a while now. And in doing so, I generally see the same people quite frequently. I see the Bus drivers especially more often than anyone else, so I naturally want to know their names. I dont know why this is, but I figure I see someone every day, why not find out their name?

There's this one woman bus driver I see almost every day and the first time I asked for her name, she refused to tell me. From that point on, I was determined to continue to guess her name until I was correct. Plus, she's cute, what's the harm in a little game I never intended to win?

In keeping my promise, because I'm just crazy like that, every day I saw her, I gave her a new name.

Today was the day my guess was finally correct. I was just standing in line to get onto the bus and the name just formulated in my head. Introspectively, I randomly thought of a name I've heard Aussies use (I think to define as some random female) and chose it on impulse. When I said, 'good morning Sheila', her expression went from her usual smile to that of shock.

"What did you say??" She said wide-eyed.
"Um, good morning Sheila?"
"H-how did you come up with that?" still in bewildered surprise.
"How did I come up with it? I dunno, I was thinking about Sheila E" (lying because I didn't want her to think I was calling her some Sheila) still clueless as to what she was asking...typical.
"My name, that's my name!"
"You're kidding me!!!" She showed me her bus driver ID...yup...Sheila!

I think my reaction was enough for her to see that I guessed her name at random. I was totally caught off-guard because I never thought I would ever guess it. Hell, I started with 'A' and decided to work my way up the alphabet. Once I ran out of 'A' names, I decided to just start picking names at random...usually while I was just stepping on board the bus.

Honestly, I thought it would never happen, and quite frankly, it was fun coming up with new names every time I saw her. It was like our own inside joke and now I don't know what to do. I feel that our little game just ended too quickly and now I'm struggling to figure out how to replace it.

The end.

The dance of two left feet

I've never been much of a dancer except when I took that Ballroom Dancing class (several years ago). It's even worse now that I'm involved in this informal version of a dance to which I have no idea where to put my feet. I am used to falling on my face, but it doesn't prevent me from flinching while thinking about it.

I'm referring, of course, to this dance of subtlety involved in the courting process. I realize that we have not even come to the point of courting, but I can't help but try to plan my moves early...just in case. This is another one of those neurotic, stupid feelings I have when I meet someone that interests me. They're on my mind often, I read way too much into their communications and I become terribly impatient. It's no surprise that, thus far, my life has been full of unsuccessful relationships.

A good friend decided to slap some sense into me by reminding me of how this stupid dance works. I have been showing entirely too much interest in Salon Girl, and I need to just fucking 'wait and see'. I acknowledge this, so I'm now going to back off and wait~exactly what I don't really feel like doing.

And now she has sent me her 2nd email today after the first one explained that she was bored out of her mind. I should really stop reading into this and let things happen on their own. But where's the fun in that?

I just said 'to hell with it' and asked her for her phone number since I never directly asked her for it. To my relief, her reply included her phone number. Why was that so hard? Probably because I can't turn off my fucking brain.

So next comes my call...which I think is going to be easier than actually asking for her phone number. I've already talked to her on the phone, so we shall see where that takes us.

I have a few places in mind for a first date or whatever it's called; The Hookah Lounge or Bowling...maybe Sushi. I like all 3 ideas, but the Hookah Lounge seems like it's the best option considering she's a casual smoker.

Stay tuned for more neurotic over-analysis!

Resistance is detected...abort mission?

My prospective date is not giving me any obvious signs she still wants to go out somewhere. I don't want to apply pressure to scare her away, but then again, I also don't want her to think I've lost interest. Is there any middle ground to this? I'm sure it varies among people.

I'm still lost when it comes to detecting the right signs to proceed or vacate, but I have received emails from her that make me think she's still interested. I believe it's always a good sign that someone's interested if they share more than you ask in an email. Her email responses are always friendly and warm, plus, they include more questions and information shared. This is a good sign I think. If I were to get a brief response, and it's consistent, I get the impression they're just responding to not hurt my feelings. Am I wrong to think this? Logic check please!

I wish I knew how to play the middle ground here. I'm sure if she knew I was giving it this much thought, she'd probably be outta here like the rest of them. Thankfully, she wont figure out how crazy paranoid I am till much later.

Going for it

What exactly is Toby going for anyway?

Well people, I'm taking some much needed advise (thanks Trix!) and just 'going for it'. It's definitely not like me to ask someone out especially this early in our communications, but my instincts (in a rare showing of confidence) tell me I should do this. As another friend would say, I'm pulling the trigger and see what happens. The last post, as you may have guessed, is all about me contemplating the trigger-pulling process and the variables in which decide the best outcomechickening out on this seemingly good opportunity to spend time with a worthy example of the opposite sex.

Well...let's hope my instincts are right!

To be continued...

Timing seems to be a recurring theme

It is, at least for me, important to presume that timing is as important as the words you choose as it is the Oxygen we breathe. In a perfect world, my timing excels in every subject known to the Universe, but since we don't live in a perfect world, we'll have to settle for reality.

My timing with most things is pretty good. I tend to know when to throw in the punch line, and I also believe I know how much to embellish to give that feeling of anticipation before giving them what they want; some form of closure.

I like to think of it as a magic trick or a good story. If your finale is short and provides no closure, it doesn't matter if you spent your summers with Ernest Hemmingway; your audience will get up and leave.

So obviously there must be this middle ground which we must find, not by asking, but by feeling our way through it.

Now why would I go through the trouble of explaining all these variables without coming to the whole point of this post. Does there need to be a point? For my own benefit? Yes. For others? Well, that's up to you, but you know I eventually get to the point even if it's not what I intended it to be initially.

Back to my point and why I mention timing...

I feel that one of my biggest weak points in meeting women is how well I plan my timing. I either go way too fast, or I freak out and pull on the brakes when I think I went too fast. It's the main reason I failed at Sales. I simply suck at closing the deal. It's finding the middle-ground where I think I will be successful in meeting the right women.

Yes, I'm aware that my tendency to over-think situations, but I have to somehow get around this. How does one who over-thinks overcome this? I personally think this has to do with faith in ones' ability.

If someone knows of a way to shut-off this part of their brain, please tell me. This method should be patented (if it isn't already).

I really had intended to discuss the Robbery...
But blogger had better ideas...namely destroying my much embellished story of my recent Robbery. Seriously Blogger, WTF??

I lost my motivation and got pissed off, then logged off before I could truly say 'fuck you very much' to my pal blogger. Eat...a...dick.

Peddling and Pedaling

I'm doing the latter because riding a bike is a much safer to do at night and I have a slightly less probability of being robbed. It's also a good way to get into shape.

Since last Monday (April 27th), I have been riding my bike no less than 6 miles per day (except weekends where I ride around to various stores/businesses at my leisure). I feel great and didn't realize which muscles are being used to ride a bike. The first week, was very rough, but I have been progressively making better time each day.

It's been a long time since I rode a bicycle anywhere. In fact, it's been since my late teens since I actually rode one other than out of amusement. The last time I rode one was when I was visiting my Sis in Santa Barbara. I would only visit during the Halloween season because it's a bustling city of young intoxicated females. Anyway, I rode around on a bike and it surprises me to this day that I didn't crash in spite of my intoxicated state.

By my count, that puts the date sometime almost 15 years ago when I rode a bicycle last. I'm frankly amazed at how quickly the body remembers the motions. I feel a lot more confident on it, but there are still some things I need before I feel entirely safe, namely a helmet and some lights.

So that's all for today. Hopefully it will stop raining so I can cruise home instead of taking the Bus. Fuck the bus.