The Noob, the Cunt, and the Conference Call (Part 1)
Lately, I was witness to something truly frightening and exciting all at the same time. Now pull out a cig, joint, drink and listen to my somewhat extended, over-embellished version of the story.
Several months ago, you may recall me mentioning that I met the President of my company at a Sales Conference. Well, I've been sitting on this 'I know-the-fucking-prez' card for a while now and have finally tested it's validity. To fully understand the situation, I'll need to explain a few things in order to convey its importance.
About a month ago, I was being chastised for a customer's line taking forever to be installed. What normally takes 30 days to install, was now up to day 39 and I was not about to be responsible for it. Being the annoyingly inquisitive person I am, I started asking questions around the office. What I found out in the next week absolutely shocked and infuriated me.
I first contacted my immediate Boss about it. His response was somewhat expected, but it didn't exactly provide me any confidence that someone was doing anything about it.
Me: Hey Boss, I was hoping you could tell me why X product takes 40+ to install.
Him: It's 30 days, just like we're obligated to tell them.
Me: But it's not. Here's my [Insert Angry Consumer's Name] proof. It took us 5 business days just to get this damn thing entered into our Database. Why does it take this long?
Him: (He glanced at the paper, and handed it back) I dunno. You should ask department Z and they should have an answer for you.
Me: (Continuing to stand in his cubical unsatisfied with the answer) I have some issues with how we process these kinds of circuits. Namely the fact that it takes a week longer to process than our other services. Can't we do something about that?
Him: (now looking a little annoyed that I haven't left his cube yet) The process is the process. Your job is to worry about selling, not how we process the orders.
Me: Okay, fair enough. So I should set their expectations for 40 days instead of 30 days?
Him: No, you tell them 30 days. When those 30 days are up, refer them to [another useless department].
Me: But aren't we setting ourselves up for failure by not properly defining their (the customers) expectations?
Him: (*sighs heavily*) Toby...(another sigh) what have I told you about not concerning yourself with things that are~~~
Me: (me interrupting) This isn't just my concern! Talk to everyone out there about it. Every one of them will tell you that X Product takes forever to process.
Him: (interrupting me this time) Yeah, they've said something about it. But this is being handled by another Department. They'll streamline the process soon enough. Don't concern yourself with it (He said it with some finality to it and promptly went back to whatever he was doing before I walked up to him).
Now without getting into too much detail, I found out that there's a bottleneck in our process (Surprised? I wasn't). It's not even a legitimate bottleneck! It's just some dumb asshole that lets the paperwork sit on his goddamn desk for a week before turning his attention to it.
So I go as far as bring it up in a Team Meeting where, once again, I get shot down for worrying about things that don't concern me. FFS, am I the only one that has a problem with it??
Seeking acknowledgment, I went to my coworkers and asked them if they'd seen the same thing. Every-fucking-one of them said they had, in fact, seen the same thing! Okay you fucking sheep, why didn't you say anything about it in the meeting?? Where's my backup? Don't you have a problem with the way this is being handled? Of course, every one of them also said with a shrug, 'my job is to sell things, let [other department] handle it'. Why doesn't this surprise me?
At this point, I'm furious that nobody sees this gigantic flaw in the system. And then I remembered my meeting with the Prez. The next thing I know, I'm writing this gigantic email about how this process is fucked up and nobody seems to be taking ownership of it. I sent it to said Prez because he said his door was open and I wanted to see if it was really true (and I wanted that goddamn process fixed!). Needless to say, anger makes people do some crazy shit and overstepping several points in management didn't, at the time, seem illogical at all. This is where I'll pause to say that, 'yes', in retrospect, it was a very stupid thing to do.
More to come...Stay tuned for part 2!
Lately, I was witness to something truly frightening and exciting all at the same time. Now pull out a cig, joint, drink and listen to my somewhat extended, over-embellished version of the story.
Several months ago, you may recall me mentioning that I met the President of my company at a Sales Conference. Well, I've been sitting on this 'I know-the-fucking-prez' card for a while now and have finally tested it's validity. To fully understand the situation, I'll need to explain a few things in order to convey its importance.
About a month ago, I was being chastised for a customer's line taking forever to be installed. What normally takes 30 days to install, was now up to day 39 and I was not about to be responsible for it. Being the annoyingly inquisitive person I am, I started asking questions around the office. What I found out in the next week absolutely shocked and infuriated me.
I first contacted my immediate Boss about it. His response was somewhat expected, but it didn't exactly provide me any confidence that someone was doing anything about it.
Me: Hey Boss, I was hoping you could tell me why X product takes 40+ to install.
Him: It's 30 days, just like we're obligated to tell them.
Me: But it's not. Here's my [Insert Angry Consumer's Name] proof. It took us 5 business days just to get this damn thing entered into our Database. Why does it take this long?
Him: (He glanced at the paper, and handed it back) I dunno. You should ask department Z and they should have an answer for you.
Me: (Continuing to stand in his cubical unsatisfied with the answer) I have some issues with how we process these kinds of circuits. Namely the fact that it takes a week longer to process than our other services. Can't we do something about that?
Him: (now looking a little annoyed that I haven't left his cube yet) The process is the process. Your job is to worry about selling, not how we process the orders.
Me: Okay, fair enough. So I should set their expectations for 40 days instead of 30 days?
Him: No, you tell them 30 days. When those 30 days are up, refer them to [another useless department].
Me: But aren't we setting ourselves up for failure by not properly defining their (the customers) expectations?
Him: (*sighs heavily*) Toby...(another sigh) what have I told you about not concerning yourself with things that are~~~
Me: (me interrupting) This isn't just my concern! Talk to everyone out there about it. Every one of them will tell you that X Product takes forever to process.
Him: (interrupting me this time) Yeah, they've said something about it. But this is being handled by another Department. They'll streamline the process soon enough. Don't concern yourself with it (He said it with some finality to it and promptly went back to whatever he was doing before I walked up to him).
Now without getting into too much detail, I found out that there's a bottleneck in our process (Surprised? I wasn't). It's not even a legitimate bottleneck! It's just some dumb asshole that lets the paperwork sit on his goddamn desk for a week before turning his attention to it.
So I go as far as bring it up in a Team Meeting where, once again, I get shot down for worrying about things that don't concern me. FFS, am I the only one that has a problem with it??
Seeking acknowledgment, I went to my coworkers and asked them if they'd seen the same thing. Every-fucking-one of them said they had, in fact, seen the same thing! Okay you fucking sheep, why didn't you say anything about it in the meeting?? Where's my backup? Don't you have a problem with the way this is being handled? Of course, every one of them also said with a shrug, 'my job is to sell things, let [other department] handle it'. Why doesn't this surprise me?
At this point, I'm furious that nobody sees this gigantic flaw in the system. And then I remembered my meeting with the Prez. The next thing I know, I'm writing this gigantic email about how this process is fucked up and nobody seems to be taking ownership of it. I sent it to said Prez because he said his door was open and I wanted to see if it was really true (and I wanted that goddamn process fixed!). Needless to say, anger makes people do some crazy shit and overstepping several points in management didn't, at the time, seem illogical at all. This is where I'll pause to say that, 'yes', in retrospect, it was a very stupid thing to do.
More to come...Stay tuned for part 2!
posted by Tobiwan | 2:55 PM
2 Comments:
Good story! Waiting for part 2. Also? I think what you were doing is a good thing. More people should put the bowl down and fix broken shit. And then pick the bowl back up. Of course.
Oh dear, I reckong you created a hornets nest!
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