The Noob, the Cunt, and the Conference Call (Part 2)

So I'd like to say that this was one of the most thoughtfully driven campaigns of my whole life, but that'd just be a gross fabrication of something only remotely resembling the truth.

The truth is that the whole reason I wanted to get this procedure 'fixed' was because I was told it didn't concern me. How spiteful is that? It's not the first time I've gone and done something because I was told to not get involved. Before I digress too far, I'll finish this damn story.

It didn't take too long before the Prez emailed me back with encouraging words. He thanked me for trusting him with keeping me anonymous. I believe he understood why I asked to remain anonymous. It's generally frowned upon to skip the ranking and go straight to the top, so I am still a little concerned that this will end up biting me in the ass at some point.

After a few days, he reported to me that he's made some progress probing around various departments and asked me to gather information for him. He also put me in touch with a Manager of our Install Department to help with the information gathering process. She already had heard from a few others that had contacted her directly about the mysteriously long install process of X Product, so I didn't need to do much to gain her support. It helps that I have worked with her for years and she knew me well enough to know I had a valid complaint.

She and I gathered the necessary data that was all overwhelmingly similar. It seems that this has been going on for Months and whoever was supposed to be streamlining the process had long since abandoned it. We then sent the information on to the Prez and instead of just saying, 'Okay, thanks for the info, i'll run with it from here...', he instructs his lapdog to arrange a conference call to discuss the process to install X product.

This Lapdog (we'll just call her the 'Cunt' because I can't think of anything more descriptive to define her) arranges the conference call to include several Directors, the CIO, several key Managers from other departments (also involved in the install process), and Me. When I saw the list of people on this conference call, I was scared shitless. It's true the Prez can do what he wants, but at this point, I was livid that he threw me to the wolves and even said in his email, 'Toby has identified a process that he thinks we can simplify and streamline'. Thank-you-fucking-much SIR!

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long for the conference call to proceed. It was scheduled for the next day and I had the data on my side, but holy shit~it's all these important people...aaaaand me.

I didn't get much sleep the night before, but I think this may have been a good thing. I stayed up thinking about how it really wasn't as bad as I initially believed. That if they were going to fire me for going over several peoples' heads, they would've done it by now. And the validation I needed was when it occurred to me that I was only the person that said, 'Hey, this looks broken, we should fix it'. It was the Prez that organized all of these important people into the conference call and I was just the messenger.

How bad could it be, right? In retrospect, it wasn't that bad. In fact, it gave me a renewed respect for the people 'in charge' of this company.

So the next day, I join up with the Conference Call and my great mood is immediately salted away by the Cunt's tactless exclamation that this was 'all my doing'. If you ever want to make someone extremely uncomfortable, invite them to a conference call and call them out immediately when they log onto the conference bridge.

To my credit, I think I handled it pretty well although I have no idea where my retort came from;

"If that means I get credit for getting this fixed, then that's okay by me."

I heard a few laughs at that and I relaxed a little bit not knowing what to expect next from her. Others who have worked with the Cunt in the past will agree that this woman has a reputation for being acidic and bitchy on conference calls. What amazed me the most is that she has nothing to do with how this process is being handled.

Regardless of this, she still seemed to think she was running the show until someone joined the conference bridge that happened to outrank her considerably. He was much better equipped to deal with such a problem simply because he wanted to get the process resolved and not so worried about stepping on toes. The Cunt, on the other hand, interjected frequently when she felt that her group was being 'blamed' for the delay, which happened on many occasions until the CIO told her to speak when he asked her specifically (get in your box, bitch...hehe). I seriously had to mute myself from the jackal-like howl of laughter that erupted from my mouth when he said that.

So the conference call continues until we properly identify where this bottleneck is. This happened to be exactly where we had explicitly said it was...it just took several times to explain because the Cunt saw it her place to blame other departments when we all knew she was wrong. The call ends when we all agree that we need to make sure each department hands off in a timely manner to ensure the process goes as smoothly as possible.

How or why this Cunt is involved in everything, I'll never fucking know. It amazes me even more that she's a very trusted member of the Senior Management. Maybe she has other skills I don't know about?

That's possible, but she sure as fuck isn't a diplomat. Her email to the Prez afterwards was a slap in the face of everyone in that conference call. Not only did she neglect to CC specific members of the Conference Call (ones that open opposed her), she wrote 5 paragraphs stating absolutely nothing. She's got fucking skills...of making something, nothing. To write that much and not really say anything is something that I aspire to as a writer.

Just to make sure everyone was aware of this e-dookie mail she sent, I made sure to include those excluded persons to see how she basically said that this wasn't a problem. She even had the audacity to say that 'we all agreed that we needed more examples in order to make a proper conclusion'....Huh???? I didn't know what to say other than 'Fuck that bitch!'

I spent a good hour writing various responses essentially 'calling her out' on her poor communications skills. Fortunately for me, another person who happened to be on that conference call was passing by and saw my red-raged face. He calmed me down and said that I had done all I could for now. I'm really glad I didn't let anger get the best of me that time.

Later that day, I was greeted with a very inspiring email written by the Prez. He said something that has made me a very loyal employee for as long as he's on board. I'd love to include the whole email, but the last part really did it for me:

"-I really like it when employees ask, can we do it better? That is what drove this exercise; it was not, “when is another department going to do a better job”."

Cutting to today, it looks like this process got fixed just like I hoped it would. I got it processed in under 24 hours and now my installs wont take an extra week!

Hopefully this means it's been resolved permanently!

I wish I could say there was more, but no...I'm really glad this is over. Go me.

The End.