Funk-a-fied

I'm intending this to be a rather dark and moody post. I didn't bother with spell/grammar check. You have been forewarned.

Where do I start? I suppose I should catch everyone up on where I am in life at the moment.
This weekend, I was back in my old stomping grounds...good ol' San Diego. Wish I could say it was for leisure, but that'd be a big dirty fib. I initially committed to going down there (for the weekend of the 5th) to pick up my kids and travel back home with them. Fate intervened by having my great uncle pass away last week. The funeral/wake, happened to coincide with when I was intending to be down there, so I guess it worked out better that way. I wasn't very close with this side of the family, but we shared a lot of history, enough to show my face and pay my respects.

We (the extended and immediate family) all met at their home, one that they owned for longer than I have been alive. Their children and grandchildren provided boxes and boxes of photographs from the history of their lives. The place smelled the same as it did the decade before, which was probably the last time I visited. Memories filled my no-longer-as-pot-stained brain as I walked through my great aunt's house.

Over all, I'd say it was an enjoyable family gathering. I saw many people I haven't seen in forever, shared good memories of times past, and caught up on where we are at present.
Needless to say, I'm flooded with thoughts of past, present, future. For now, I'm holding together, but I am feeling the need to break down so I have an excuse to put it all back in place. It's good to let go like this, at least for me, especially when so many things intrude on me at once.

Missing my girlfriend, proverbally speaking

I'm in mental conflict at the moment with my relationships (or lack thereof). It seems that everywhere I look, there are people enjoying the fruits of being with someone. Everyone, of course, but me. I'm sure i'm wrong about this, but it doesn't change how I feel about it. Could it be the holiday times that make me desire to have someone to keep me warm? Would I even be capable of maintaining a relationship that didn't just revolve around sex? *shrugs* I don't feel like I could at this point with as much as I miss being in one.

As a favor to me, I ask that you don't offer me any solutions on how to find the right woman or comfort me in my time of darkness. It will pass once the other things on my mind are resolved.
The purpose of this is to get the thoughts out and it helps just to share that I am Human despite my protests.

Other miscellaneous crap

Lately, I have been giving the thought of a career change a try. My resume, after it's done should give me some options to consider with respect to what I'd like to do. The most important element should be my interest in my job. History has shown that if I don't find something interesting about it, I will deteriorate to mediocrity and eventually start looking elsewhere. My wages haven't gone up as quickly as I want and I could definitely use a significant pay increase. I think i've earned it, but the company isn't interested in keeping people happy, so maybe it's time to move on to greener pastures.

Speaking of green pastures, I haven't been smoking as much lately. Yay, I guess. I wonder if my funk is related to this? Denial would say 'no' because it further proves that it's mentally addictive or that I'm using it to forget about all the things I worry about on a daily basis. Denial or not, I've got more problems than me liking to toke on occasion, which was the whole motivation behind slowing down my in-take in the first place.

I'm not all that anxious about fixing my computer at the moment. By the time I get home from work lately, the last thing I want to do is touch my computer. It's sucked up so much of my time, I am ashamed to admit it. I haven't really settled on something to fill the time gap I used for pc gaming. I guess that's what I've been trying to figure it out while I gorge myself on the Sopranos series and other goodies on DVD.

Anyway, if you ask me, I'd tell you that I haven't been doing anything very interesting lately other than spend lots of time not doing what I used to do.

Christmas was cool. The kids got spoiled by yours truly and my parents as usual. They're glad to be home with their mother after being down in San Diego for their entire Winter break. The train ride back with them was uneventful, and I am proud of them for hanging in there for the whole 10 hour trip.

Blogging has been nearly impossible for me to do lately because I don't feel like I have anything nice to say. Who wants to hear someone bitch about their life all the time? Not I. I admit this motivation probably wont do for an excuse, but it's all I have at this point. My writing always seems to sputter when so many issues are inundating me. I appreciate that you all still visit even though I don't feel like i've had much to say.

That's all I have to say right now. Hope you're all doing well.