The walls we build

I should've been a Mason with as easily as I create barriers around me. My lack of blog posts has reflected my inability to communicate my desire to isolate myself.

This is a self examining post which you can be sure will involve a generous helping of Whine and cheese...you have been forewarned.

So the deal is that I've been growing my facial hair out lately. Why, you ask? Well, the summarized version of that is that I'm doing it to keep people away. For those of you that have seen me, you know that I have very thin looking facial hair, so at present, to even call it facial hair would be a very generous statement. To make matters worse, most of my facial hair is blonde and light red to light brown. Here and there, there's splotches of black and dark brown. Pretty much, when they were handing out facial hair genes, I must've gotten in the 'Frankenstein' line.

It really looks bad, but I still keep it because I know no women in their right mind would even give me a 2nd glance. Yes, I'm an idiot for doing it, I'll do all the self-defeating abuse thankyouverymuch. Meanwhile, I stay 'safe' from meeting anyone I might like and honestly, I don't know what I'd do if I were ever approached by someone. The root of this behavior is because I have not been very successful with relationships and am scared to death that I'll find some way to fuck it up once again. It's just easier to be alone rather than take the chance of being hurt again. I'm not in the state to accept rejection at the moment. Obviously, I'll still have to suck it up one day and change my ways...whenever that day may be.

In a nutshell, I'm afraid to get back into the dating scene. Yeah...I have issues.