Anti-Social
The proverbial walls are, once again, closing in upon me, but this time, I'm doing it to get myself some focus. In my recent social hiatus, I've been focusing on self-improvement because I need to do it for myself. My previous motivation was to do it because my kids need a better life. Unfortunately, that's just not enough for me to want to do it despite how much they need it.
I need to do this for myself and not for anyone else (as I previously had hoped I could get away with doing). It's a selfish necessity, but it has to be before you can help anyone else. This philosophy reminds me of something i've read just recently (on another blog I think): They used the analogy of an Airplane disaster preparation whereas the instructions tell you to place the mask on yourself before you put it on your child. The analogy totally makes sense....how could you help anyone else if you're incapacitated? That really hit home for me and I think I've adopted it as my motivation to pull myself out of this hole I keep digging for myself.
When it rains...
It fucking pours...and that's the truth if there ever was one. I believe technology is on strike in my world and I'm really ready to just throw it in the garbage. I'm referring to my computer and my car. These two vital pieces of technology have successfully grounded my social life to a halt (not that it was really in much motion anyway).
Light may be at the end of the tunnel, though. Having roommates that also have computers means I get the 'hand-me-downs', which isn't such a bad thing. They tend to upgrade their hardware every year and some change, this means that I'll be getting stuff that's less than 2 years old. That's way-the-hell better than mine, so no complaints here. The only drawback I'm seeing here is that I'll have to install the components on my own. Not impossible, but certainly not something I am an expert at accomplishing. I'm sure my nerdren will offer me some advice if I fuck it up somehow.
At least I have all these books to keep me occupied, otherwise, I'd be gorging myself on 'On Demand' programming in front of the tube.
The proverbial walls are, once again, closing in upon me, but this time, I'm doing it to get myself some focus. In my recent social hiatus, I've been focusing on self-improvement because I need to do it for myself. My previous motivation was to do it because my kids need a better life. Unfortunately, that's just not enough for me to want to do it despite how much they need it.
I need to do this for myself and not for anyone else (as I previously had hoped I could get away with doing). It's a selfish necessity, but it has to be before you can help anyone else. This philosophy reminds me of something i've read just recently (on another blog I think): They used the analogy of an Airplane disaster preparation whereas the instructions tell you to place the mask on yourself before you put it on your child. The analogy totally makes sense....how could you help anyone else if you're incapacitated? That really hit home for me and I think I've adopted it as my motivation to pull myself out of this hole I keep digging for myself.
When it rains...
It fucking pours...and that's the truth if there ever was one. I believe technology is on strike in my world and I'm really ready to just throw it in the garbage. I'm referring to my computer and my car. These two vital pieces of technology have successfully grounded my social life to a halt (not that it was really in much motion anyway).
Light may be at the end of the tunnel, though. Having roommates that also have computers means I get the 'hand-me-downs', which isn't such a bad thing. They tend to upgrade their hardware every year and some change, this means that I'll be getting stuff that's less than 2 years old. That's way-the-hell better than mine, so no complaints here. The only drawback I'm seeing here is that I'll have to install the components on my own. Not impossible, but certainly not something I am an expert at accomplishing. I'm sure my nerdren will offer me some advice if I fuck it up somehow.
At least I have all these books to keep me occupied, otherwise, I'd be gorging myself on 'On Demand' programming in front of the tube.
posted by Tobiwan | 10:33 AM
1 Comments:
I hope things start looking up for you soon. It's hard to believe it will get better when things feel craptastic but...somehow they always DO improve.
Hang in there.
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