Where has Toby gone?

Some say he lost his mind several weeks ago when the job he applied for never gave him the courtesy of calling him back. And nevermind the fact that they gave the job to a girl instead! Others boast that he's hanging on their wall after a hunting him down for his autograph, but who listens to people on drugs?

There was this one time when I called him and this was how our conversation went:

Me: Hi Toby, it's your logical self calling again...how's things?

Toby: Hm, I don't remember giving you my number; who gave you this number?

Me: Aww, you don't remember, do you? You were really drunk that night and I think I remember you calling me. You always drunk dial me when you feel out of control.

Toby: Just shut your face! Why do you always call me when i'm hung-over?

Me: Well, with your record lately, calling you when you're hung-over is almost a sure thing.

Toby: Didn't I just tell you to shut your fucking face? Why are you even calling me? You said you didn't like to talk to me when I get all emotional and self-depreciating.

Me: Hah, you're so grouchy in the morning!

Toby: I hate you.

Me: You can't get rid of me, no matter how much weed you smoke or booze you drink. Get over it.

Toby: Fine, why the hell do you have to be right all the time? Doesn't it get old?

Me: Because I'm the force that keeps you from unraveling yourself into the point of no return, and no, it never gets old!

Toby: Fucking prick.

Me: You're just angry because you know I'm right all the time.

Toby: You never told me why you called other than to remind me that I'm wrong (again).

Me: Oh! Yeah, I wanted to let you know that some woman called~

Toby: Awesome, that's how you should always start our conversations~

Me: Anyway...she called from the last place you interviewed with and she asked if you still want the job.

Toby: (silence)

Me: ...well?

Toby: I'm trying to think of something witty to say, but that's your department. All I can do is swear and make sophomoric insults.

Me: How about, 'I'd love a good job as much as I'd love a good blow job.'..?

Toby: May I use that later?

Me: Knock yourself out.

Toby: That's pretty accurate, a good blow job would be nice.

Me: Head back in the game please...

Toby: Head??...Right! I'm in coach. Now what did you tell her?

Me: I told her you want the job.

Toby: But what about the stuff we talked about? I mean shit, there's not going to be any training for this job! Hell, I'm desperate enough to take it!

Me: Didn't you say you were happy about not getting it?

Toby: Well, yeah, but that was last week! And that was when I knew I wasn't going to get the job.

Me: That doesn't make sense, but whatever, you're going for it! That's good to hear!

Toby: Hehe, thanks! It feels like I'm driving into a blanket of fog, but hey, I don't think they drug test.

Me: Does that mean you're going to make me smoke again?

Toby: You can't hear it right now, but i'm rolling my eyes at you. Don't worry, you can just fake it like you did when I was married.

Me: *snicker* Ouch!

Toby: Well, I guess I'll give this woman a call and see if they really are going to pay me what I asked for (initially).

Me: Be nice!

Toby: Hey! It's me.

Me: Uh-huh, you want me to uh, join you on the call?

Toby: It wouldn't be right to exclude you! Thanks logical self, we really ought to give you a name by now.

Me: That'd be nice, maybe we can do that after you go get that job for us. And then you can not be such a pussy about talking to women.

Toby: Wait, what the fuck does that have to do with getting a job?

Just then, I hung up on him. When he called back, he was livid and then told me to go fuck something very coarse. He was not at all happy when I told him that at least one of us would be getting laid whereas he promptly hung up on me. Haha, I win again.

Anyway, he's still alive and well and he also wanted me to tell you thanks for stopping by!