Restless (again)
This may be the caffiene talking, but I'm feeling very restless to move forward. I think my idling status is beginning to take it's toll on my psyche. Whenever I sit too long in one place, I start questioning if I'm really making any forward progress. The brute in me would bludgeon me with the phrase, 'If you have to ask, then you don't need to know'.
I have done much honest soul-searching lately...so much that I'm weak with the burden of what I need to do to be where I want.
My sense of urgency is heightened as I near my 36th birthday. Why is this? Well...let's see, I really don't have my shit together when people my age are contemplating retirement. To the outside observer, I probably appear like I'm a fuck-up (or maybe that's just me being too hard on myself once again). I acknowledge this which is why I am still single after 5 years after a marriage I'm still surprised I was capable of in the first place.
I know what I need to do, but asking is close to amputating one of my own limbs (with something very dull and very rusty without drugs).
'Suck it up, Toby'
Yeah...it's time to do just that.
This may be the caffiene talking, but I'm feeling very restless to move forward. I think my idling status is beginning to take it's toll on my psyche. Whenever I sit too long in one place, I start questioning if I'm really making any forward progress. The brute in me would bludgeon me with the phrase, 'If you have to ask, then you don't need to know'.
I have done much honest soul-searching lately...so much that I'm weak with the burden of what I need to do to be where I want.
My sense of urgency is heightened as I near my 36th birthday. Why is this? Well...let's see, I really don't have my shit together when people my age are contemplating retirement. To the outside observer, I probably appear like I'm a fuck-up (or maybe that's just me being too hard on myself once again). I acknowledge this which is why I am still single after 5 years after a marriage I'm still surprised I was capable of in the first place.
I know what I need to do, but asking is close to amputating one of my own limbs (with something very dull and very rusty without drugs).
'Suck it up, Toby'
Yeah...it's time to do just that.
posted by Tobiwan | 11:58 AM
1 Comments:
It's probably just the birthday. Turning 36 was worse than 30 or even 35! I dunno why. Maybe cuz you are closer to 40?
Ok, maybe that didn't help. Think of this, no matter how old you are, I will always be older! (I'll be 38 next May!)
And I don't think you are a fuck up at all. You do what you do and focus on your kids. Not a lot of Dads do that. It's pretty awesome if you ask me. :)
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