Um, about that vacation thing...

It sure hasn't exactly turned out like one. It's more like a bad porno turned nightmare slice-off-your-genitalia-without-anesthetics-holiday...only this one is just the beginning.

Where do I fucking begin? Caution: Swearing and things that could damn me to hell are about to be shared...you have been warned....

Thursday,

the day I leave, my car's radiator blows on the 5 in the middle of fucking nowhere, but for the sake of factual content, it was Los Banos, California. The tow truck driver assured me that the mechanic knew his shit and then directed me to a local hotel for the night. The kids took it in stride despite me freaking-the-fuck-out. I have a wonderful hotel story for you once I get done pouring out my soul for all to see (or hopefully pity).

Did I mention that I spent my whole vacation wad on said tow truck and hotel? I didn't even get a fucking T-shirt, but I digress.

Friday the 16th

So I wake up the next morning in Middle-of-nowhere-ville (around the time the mechanic's shop opens) and manage to walk there without incident. I explain the situation to him and he tells me he'll take a look at it shortly to let me know what guage my rectum will need to be stretched to satiate the bill.

Less than a half hour later, TJ (seriously, his initials are TJ according to the fancy diplomas in his office) calls me to give me the bad news. It was what I expected, so no surprises there. He even gives me some good news about the turn-around time; ETR (Estimated Time of Repair) is by 2pm. "Great!" I exclaim. Now that only leaves me with one tiny problem. Where the fuck am I going to go after the Hotel forces me to check out (at 11am)?

Karma, in her incredibly fickle ways, goes down on the hotel Manager and her assistant to give me the time I need to wait out the repairs. Choking on my humility, I explained my situation to the Hotel Manager and she agreed to allow me to stash my bags in a safe place while my kids and I hung out in the indoor pool (without having to pay for another night in the place). I must've thanked them a dozen times for their generosity while I stayed until around 4:45pm.

Did I also mention that the Mechanic's shop closed at 5pm?

I felt like they had enough opportunities to fix my car since they had gone well over their 'projected' estimate. I know it was an 'estimated' time they gave me initially, but with them closing at 5pm, and me being 150 miles from home, it was imperative that my car could make it another 400 miles. When I arrived (with children in tow), I was informed that the car was 'ready to go'~great news~but he noticed that the car was still overheating and the radiator fan was constantly running~not-so-great. I didn't care, it was time to get the fuck out of dodge, even if I had to push my car up the grapevine.

So we hit the road and by the time I reached the freeway entrance (about 10 miles), my car was overheating, hissing loudly, and spewing forth steam like a locomotive. I was fucking livid and managed to maintain my composure for atleast 20 seconds prior to throwing an adult-sized tantrum in the Shell parking lot. I wish I could tell you what was going through my mind at that time. I was panicked, broke, infuriated, and on the verge of a Chernobyl-like meltdown. My kids, like the troopers they are, hung in there for me and, without saying it out loud, reminded me that I needed to snap out of my nervous breakdown and do something about the situation.

I'll stop for a moment and make it known how much I adore my children for being in my life. I didn't feel like I had a purpose until they came along. They give me strength when I want to lie down and go fetal. They give me hope that humanity has a chance. They have shown me what unconditional love means and I will goto to the ends of the Universe for them. Okay, you get the idea. Moving on....

Somehow, I made it back to that shithole of a town with children and car. I pulled up to the Mechanic's shop and saw that luck was on my side once again. TJ was working on another customer's truck when I pulled up. I waited patiently in his office until he noticed I had returned. In an amazing feat of self control, I quietly (and diplomatically) explained the situation to him and asked if he could take a second look at the car. Upon a closer inspection, he noticed a pretty serious thing missing in my vehicle...the belt normally found on my water pump (which also is attached to my alternator). For those of you that don't know this (I didn't know it until he told me), the water pump is directly responsible for keeping the engine cool. Without it working, my car would continue to overhead and eventually fuck up my engine.

TJ will forever be my hero for demonstrating 'going beyond the call of duty'. Not only did he admit (and apologize profusely) his oversight to me, he called his wife to the garage, asked to her pick up a belt for me, and installed it for me~free of charge and on the fucking spot! My jaw still has not recovered from that one. Here I was, bitching at karma for kicking me in the balls again, and then she goes down on me (and the mechanic) all in one sitting. Call it good fortune, call it karma, I don't fucking care. She (karma)wasn't done just yet...while TJ and I were finishing the paperwork for the belt, he let me in on a little known secret. TJ explained to me that he stuck around 2 hours after his shop closed, fixed my car for FREE, and took shit from his wife (because they had a dinner engagement at 7pm) all because of how I approached him after I brought the car back. He actually thanked me for treating him like a human and not being an asshole about it. I'll never forget him for that...and if I ever get stuck in that shithole again, rest assured, I'm gonna push my vehicle to his respectable establishment every time.

7 hours later, I made it to San Diego without any significant problems or power steering (another story~yay!). The many hours in the car gave me lots of time to reflect on the significant events we experienced in that 24 hours. I have a renewed appreciation of people and their generosity when it really doesn't benefit them. Those people give me hope and when the time comes for me to help someone out, I'll be there for them without question.

So there you have it...my first 48 hours of vacation and I'm already asking my folks for money. I guess it's time to get used to the flavor of Humble Pie. I hear it goes down well with Tobasco Sauce.

Anne, I'm gonna borrow your 'gratefuls' just this once because I feel I don't take inventory nearly as often as I should. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery anyhow.

I'm grateful for:

• My kids and the strength they give me when I lose hope.
• My parents for helping me up when i've hit the ground too hard.
• My friends for never letting me forget that I matter to them.
• Kind and compassionate people who I never knew existed.

I'll write more about my amazingly profound vacation whenever I can find some free time. Thanks for stopping in!