'Why not?'

A friend and I were discussing the Casual Encounters sexion of Craig's list today. I was looking at some of the posts for 'W4M' (aka 'Women looking 4 Men') and contemplated responding to one or two that didn't look like scams. For reasons I will explain later, said friend asked me why I don't ever reply to those posts. Good question.

For those of you that don't know what Craig's list is, it's a free local forum where you can find just about anything you're looking for...even casual sex. I'm dead positive that it works very well for women (and gay men) looking to get laid, but I can't say the same for the straight guys. You can also look for romance if you look in the right spots, but as I mentioned before, CL has a large populace of straight males all competing for anything remotely resembling sex with a straight girl/woman.

So she asked me why I never respond to those ads of women looking for sex and I found the reasons just spewing out of me. I wish I could say they were 'good, legitimate excuses', but unfortunately, they were just 'fucking weak' at best. I came up with a list (haha, I came):

• I never got a response from the ones I've replied to in the past (I think i've replied to like 3 or 4 of them if memory serves).
• I didn't want to be labeled as 'Desperate' regardless if I am or not.
• I might actually get a legitimate response (and i'll explain this more later).
• They rarely include pics of the women looking for sex, so it's really difficult to want to fuck someone who may not appeal to me.
• I don't have a place to call my own anymore, so hosting is not an option.
• To get laid like that requires me to include enough information about me without inundating them with details and therefore sounding 'desperate'.
• I might meet some psycho stalker chick (which really doesn't sound all bad until Lauren put the whole 'Fatal Attraction' scenario into the picture~thanks for killing my nympho stalker fantasy! =P)
• The numbers are stacked horribly against me and I dislike that kind of subtle rejection of them not replying to my email.

There were a number of reasons that forced me to really examine what I was looking for when responding to these posts. I'm flawed because I require chemistry to be attracted to someone. Whether it be physical or mental, chemistry must be there otherwise, I feel guilty for not wanting to fuck them again. I dislike rejecting people for their outside appearance, this is something innately shallow about myself that I just can't do anything to change.

Right after I became separated from my exwife, I slept with a woman I met on the internet. She contacted me first, and I only had a remote idea what she looked like. Still, we had a common interest: smokin the ganja. We ended up hanging out a few times before she offered to stay the night at my apartment. It was the first time I had ever had sex with someone I wasn't attracted to and as much of a relief it was to get off, I felt like I gave in to 'mercy sex'.

Mercy Sex

This is a really harsh term to swallow (haha, I said swallow) because there were times when I felt like my ex was just giving me some to shut me the fuck up about it. It's very difficult to enjoy sex if my partner isn't having a good time and it's just worse when she's doing it because she feels like it's her 'job'. I realize I still have some hangups (from the ex-wife) about mercy sex and I'm still working on beating them fuck out of my persona. As a result of this hangup, I find myself looking for the 'freaks' because I know there will rarely ever be an instance where they wouldn't want sex...namely sex from me.

"Just get it over with"

She said that to me (pre-coital) when she was pregnant with my first born and I don't know why I continued to stay with her. Okay, that's not true, I know why I stayed...she was the mother of my child and I felt I was doing the right thing by staying with her. Still, since her sex drive was comparatively non-existent (to mine) after I got her pregnant, I had to pretty much bury my libido for a later date (when I naively thought things would change).

Now that my libido is no longer on hiatus, I find myself wondering how I could've survived so long without feeling much affection in return. I guess this explains why I can be so needy when it comes to feeling like my partner is attracted to me. Everyone needs reassurances, even when their presence should be enough to confirm it...atleast I hope they do. It would suck to be the only guy that needs to hear 'I want you' from a woman.

This subject has begun to take a downward spiral, so I'll just move on. Happy weekend everyone!