Life after 32

A week after my birthday and I'm still struggling to find my way through the maze known as my mind. People tend to get in a funk right around their birthday for various reasons and I'm no different in this case. What is it about the annual that makes me want to isolate myself and leave my phone turned off?

I personally think it has to do with the reminder that we're getting older. As I'm reminded how young I am, I am rarely ever satisfied with where I am in life. My kids make me painfully aware of this because I cannot provide the extras for them. I guess you could say I'm tired of telling them I can't afford the things just outside the necessities. Sure I keep them fed, clothed, and ensure they have a roof over their head, but I'm more referring to the other stuff...fun stuff.

My financial mess is caused from my very poor money management skills. I also blame laziness and fear that it's worse than I could possibly imagine. It seems I excel at making excuses, which I find to be rather counterproductive. This recent funk has pushed me to re-examine my situation and do something about it. It's imperative that I pull myself out of debt if I'm going to give my kids the life they deserve.

So I have decided to make a list...a very honest list with myself. I wont be sharing this due to the personal nature of it and let's face it, who wants to air the kind of dirty laundry with the brown stains on them? I can, at least tell you what sort of things are on this grocery list without divulging too much.

Things that need to change (in no particular order of importance):

• Financial misery - I hate admitting this, but I need a better quality of living.
• My laziness - Gaming has a lot to do with this, so guess what else needs to go?
• Gaming - My guild is gonna hate me for it, but it's probably time for me to walk away until I can be responsible with it.
• Poking Smot - I'd like to be able to finish sentences without cloudy interference.
• Better living - Not through chemistry, but living where I am not subject to other peoples' noise/temperments...y'know outside of my kids.
• My Sore Ass - Ever been tired of sitting on your ass for years? *raises hand*
• My Sex Life - More please, thank you.
• My Love Life - Mmmm...maybe after I sort out this other bullshit...I will settle for sex.
• My Attitude - This will probably be the hardest thing to change because it requires everything to be moving in a satisfactory direction.
• My Cave - The cave is my proverbial hiding spot~it tends to promote my 'Head-in-the-sand' mentality...time to leave it behind and let someone else hibernate there.
• My Eating Habits - I hear it's cheaper to bring your food anyway.

This is a pretty accurate summary of the things I need to change about myself. My kids really need a better life than what I've given them so far and it's surprising they've turned out to be pretty cool in spite of that.

The goals I set for myself seem very daunting, but I have turned a blind eye to it for too long now. It wont go away if I look the other direction. I owe it to myself, I owe it to my kids...they deserve so much better than this.

Oh yeah...one more thing.

Thanks to everyone that commented on my birthday post. I ended up taking my kidlings to my fave pizza spot in the Bay area. It was really enjoyable to spend that time with them and they make me proud with how they act in public. The pizza was awesome as usual, but frankly, I think I liked the company better.