Mostly lonely, but never alone

This is the part where I say that 'I don't need anyone in my life to make it complete' and really try to convince you that I'm serious when I say it. To which, I anticipate a prompt response (from the ones that know me well enough) of, 'STFU Tob, I smell bullshit'. What good friends I have for not letting me revel in my fabricated theories.

The truth of the matter is that I do, in fact, need someone in my life to make it complete. Sure I've got my kids to keep me occupied, but they can't really satiate certain aspects of my life. Obviously, intimacy is something they can't help me achieve unless you consider using them as 'Babe magnets'.

Since December, I have had almost zero contact from the likes of a female. Phone sex really doesn't count, although it is nice to know that I can please someone over 1000miles away without leaving my home.

I'm beginning to resort to writing sappy poetry about how I feel like a lost soul without a warm body (next to me when I wake up)~a sure-fire sign that I need to just ditch this whole BS about me being on a Dating Hiatus. What kind of smelly ass BS have I been trying to pass off as logic? Oh yeah! I remember now...I've been making up flakey excuses as to why I've decided to remain single when one very hard detail remains: I'm single because I am not leaving my house or putting forth effort to meet women.

And what about that cute chick I was flirting with at the BBQ on Saturday? JT informs me that she was giving off her 'Come fuck me' eyes, but frankly, I wasn't sure if that's what I was seeing. Why can't I ever pick up on this? Why is it that I never believe them even when more than one person confirms it? Sadly, the cute chick had to leave early, but not without a prolonged 'bye, very nice meeting you'. We must've shook hands like 4 times in the process of her leaving...it could also be because I didn't let go of her hand right away. It was more like:

*shaking her very soft hand* 'It was really nice meeting you cute chick' *continues smiling and shaking her hand*

*still holding onto my hand* 'I'm really sorry I have to go...it was nice meeting you.' *she smiled at me the whole time and never once protested to me holding her hand*

*finally releases her hand slowly~that took lots of willpower, let-me-tell-you.* 'I'm sorry I can't join you guys, but we know the same people, so I'm sure we'll run into eachother again.' (she was with her friends, a nice hippy couple).

Later, after she left, I felt bad for not asking for her phone number. I could've kicked my own ass for not persuing contact with her, but I do that enough as it is. Fortunately, she's a friend of a friend, which means obtaining her number is as easy as heckling them for it. Right now, I'm being inundated with concerns of 'What if she doesn't remember me?', 'What if she thinks I'm a psycho for calling her out of the blue?', and 'I wonder if she likes sex'. Clearly, I am putting way too much thought into this. I just need to get her number and fucking call her...period.

JT was trying to help me out on Saturday by slurring (to said cute chick) the phrase, 'Tob is the goods...he's the real thing.' I gotta admit, I was a little embarrassed to be holding him up while he said this, but I appreciated it just the same. It's great to know he and his woman have faith in me, maybe I create too many obstacles for myself.

Faith in myself

Believe it or not, but I do happen to have faith in my own abilities. I wish my faith didn't have so much to do with what I've experienced...that's all. In the past, I have demonstrated that I can be charming, witty, and sexy...but I can't seem to put my finger on how I did it. It seems that I excel the most when I involve less thinking. Everyone I talk to tells me I do too much thinking...maybe I need to have more faith in what they're telling me?

Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm just gonna call her without thinking about it. Wish me luck!