When you have nothing nice to say

Everyone's heard the expression 'If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all'. Well, usually when I adhere to this concept, I end up going into perpetual quiet mode. When I'm angry, I will also keep my trap shut to avoid scorching anyone unnecessarily.

This morning, I'm feeling very volatile after being welcomed with news that we are now responsible for yet another pile of troubles to deal with in my department.

I think it's not too late for me to go into another career at my current age. Manual labor is beginning to seem like a much easier path to take. I hear ditch digging can be profitable if you keep your labor costs low. Since I'll be providing all the labor, I'll work for cheap.

Here's what I have to look forward to in my next profession (Tree Trimming):

• I'll have loads and loads of firewood at my disposal.
• With all the excess twigs, branches, and sticks, I can make my own bio-degradable Hut!
• The huge blisters/callouses will serve as a reminder that I used to be the sucker that sat in an Air-conditioned office for 8+ hours a day.
• Any injuries I accumulate on the job will eventually heal whereas the mental scars I received from my current profession will never go away.
• There's the prospect of working without a shirt.
• No dress codes!
• I get to bring a chainsaw to work (and use it).
• No sudden shifts in priority (under normal conditions).
• I wont have to work 'after hours'~the sun is my timeclock!
• Earth-tones, I've been told, are 'my color'!
• There will be times when I can sing 'I'm a Lumberjack' and it's really okay.
• I'll never have to work in the Desert.
• My squirrel speaking abilities will increase a thousandfold.
• Did I mention that I get to bring a chainsaw to work?

Seriously, it's time for me to get a simple job. I thought about going back to my earliest job as a dishwasher at a retirement home, but I don't get along very well with Filipinos anymore. I can't work for Geico anymore after I told them having a Gecko to represent them would 'totally ruin their credibility'. Walmart wont take me back because I dry heave when I cross the thresh-hold of their parking lot. Hewlett Packard will probably drug test me even though they already know all their employees are potheads.

I've never been a tree trimmer, but I would think it would be pretty easy to adjust as long as I don't mind the first few months of wear n' tear on my body. I'll be so sore, I wont be able to remember how shitty my current job can be...yeah, what a nice daydream.