Issues

It's time I get things off my chest. I'm tired of them inundating my brain and it's giving me more gray hairs than I should be getting at my age.

I've grown weary of trying to remain politically correct and always tring to be a diplomat. Being diplomatic is something I've always found myself really good at because I'm great at stuffing away my feelings. Neutrality is the easiest way to approach situations and frankly, it's safer for me this way, less damage control is always the best case scenario. I would rather just leave out my personal opinions/observations than take the risk of someone getting upset with me about it.
It's hard to tell the truth sometimes, especially knowing that I'll have to perform damage control afterwards. So is it wrong to lie out of compassion? Is it also wrong to with-hold information from them? Is choosing not to divulge information lying? I suppose it's all the same, isn't it?

While I'm at it...

A friend of mine has recommended going to the SCA events which apparently are pretty frequent in my area. I have been told by a number of people that the acronym stands for something else. The Society of Consenting Adults is probably more accurate to this community than the prior. It's a well known fact that I need some action, but I haven't made any efforts to go out to meet anyone to do so.

Whilst smoking some of the Herb, I had a fantastic idea~I could pay for it! Sure i've thought about this before, but I had a new twist (no pun intended). I could pay for it and have the same woman once a month. Best case scenario would be a woman that I paid once a month for an hour of her time. I could then get it all out of my system~whether it be just a rough thigh-thumping fuck, or enjoying the smell (and taste) of a woman. It sounded like a great idea at the time and now seems like some elaborate fantasy. I'm interpreting this epiphany as a sign that I'm willing to indulge in a physical relationship, but may not be ready/able to engage in a commitment. *sigh* A fuckbuddy sure would be nice.

My new roommate is turning out to be a nice addition to the household. She's pleasant to be around and I enjoy that I can be in her presence while we share silence. It's also nice to have someone else to smoke with in the house. We can lounge outside and enjoy the act of smoking while we chat about random things. Unfortunately, I'm finding myself more and more attracted to her, but could this just be because I'm seeking female companionship? *shrugs* I think I'm asking too many questions again and probably over-analyzing the situation. To further convolute things, she has been dating a mutual friend since she moved up here, so yeah, I guess it's best to keep things to myself.

I've dropped hints now and then about my attraction to her. Yesterday, I finally figured out who she reminds me of; one of my sister's oldest friend. Mmmm...she had some lovely legs and the most adorable freckles. Call me crazy, but I've always been highly attracted to girls with freckles. Roommie has herself some nice legs as well, but only because she played soccer for so many years.

Anyway, I'm quietly hoping things don't work out for her and her current man, but this is only a selfish wish.

What I'm doing lately: My book reading orgy is ongoing and it's starting to be a really great distraction from what I was doing prior to this activity. On a side note; I still can't seem to get myself out of playing this fucking game. I used to think this was the only thing I do really well, but after I thought about it, I excell in making excuses and making things disappear.