Tech Support Tale
Me: Hi, I'm calling from a reputable ISP. I need to arrange a dispatch for my client at number ##########.
Them: Hello Sir, my name Michael, may I have the phone number you're calling about please?
Me: Sure, it's ##########.
Them: And who may I know I am talking to?
Me: (holding back my laughter) Al.
Them: And what is your last name (pause), Al?
Me: Caholic (stifling laughter the best I can).
Them: Alright, Al-Caholic, thank you sir.
For the next 5 minutes I hear him typing away and mumbling to himself. Mind you, he hasn't asked me anything since I gave him my last name.
Them: Very well Al, how can I help you today?
Me: Well Mike, as you may have already heard, I am requesting a dispatch to resolve an ongoing issue at my client's location. Their equipment is synced up, so I just need a tech to prove they can 'surf' behind the modem. I am aware of the billable charges and accept them as necessary.
Them: (obviously what I said to him completely went over his head, so he proceeded to the next question on his script) And what operating system do you have sir?
Me: They don't have a computer at this site. They only have a router and a POS (Point-of-Sales Machine which is responsible for their ATM/Credit Card Transactions), which is not a Computer.
Them: What operating system are you using to connect to the internet?
Me: You just asked me that question buddy. I said there are no computers at this location. Just a Cisco Router, and a box that processes ATM/Credit Card transactions.
Them: (Shuffling papers was all I was heard for the next 30 seconds. He finally spoke in a more clear tone) And have they been ever to connect to the internet before?
Me: Yes, most recently two days ago.
Them: I'm sorry to hear about that sir, I will do my best to get this resolved. May I place you on hold while I test the line?
Me: No, you may not. The line is fine. It's synced, I can assure you that there's nothing wrong with the line. Please schedule a billable dispatch as soon as possible.
Them: Okay sir, I'm placing you on hold now for testing
Me: NO wait! (before I can protest, he places me on hold for the next 5 minutes)
5 minutes pass and finally takes me off hold...
Me: I asked you not to place me on hold.
Them: Thank you for holding sir, I have tested the line and everything looks to be working just fine.
Me: Uh huh, can you please schedule a dispatch now?
Them: but the line tests clean sir, a Technician visit would not solve this problem.
Me: And I told you that the line is just fine. (Now spoken slowly and firmly) I would like for you to arrange a billable dispatch as soon as possible...Please.
Them: I will have to send you to another department to have this done, but I will have to fill out a ticket first.
Me: Whatever dude, just please get this moving...it shouldn't be taking this long.
At this point, I'm annoyed as hell. Michael is a gentleman of Indian descent and seems to only understand approximately 10% of what I say...but I have been told that I am a patient and fair person at least once. Let's see if I can't prove them right.
Them: Thank you for holding, I have a few more questions for you before I can transfer you sir.
Me: Let's hear it.
Them: What operating system are you using?
Me: (I laugh incredulously right into the phone) You're not friggen serious, are you?
Them: Yes, I need to know the operating system you are using.
Me: This is the last time I'm telling you Mike, so please pay attention and take notes if you'd like *ahem*;
1) I am not at the location
2) There are no computers at this location.
3) In order to have an Operating System, they would have to be using a Computer.
4) They don't have a computer, therefore they do not have an Operating System
5) This location does not have a computer, but if you really want to fill out the whole ticket, you can just put 'Window's XP'.
He seemed satisfied with that answer (the last one) and asked me one last doozie before I asked for his Supervisor.
Them: Could you please provide your callback number so the technican can call you when he's near your home?
Me:........
Me: (after moments of silence~I was stunned he asked me this question) I'm done with you. I want to speak with your Supervisor.
I was impressed with how quickly I got that dispatch scheduled when I finally got transferred to a local Support Center (California). 'Fuck Outsourcing' is all I gotta say.
All in a day's work.
Me: Hi, I'm calling from a reputable ISP. I need to arrange a dispatch for my client at number ##########.
Them: Hello Sir, my name Michael, may I have the phone number you're calling about please?
Me: Sure, it's ##########.
Them: And who may I know I am talking to?
Me: (holding back my laughter) Al.
Them: And what is your last name (pause), Al?
Me: Caholic (stifling laughter the best I can).
Them: Alright, Al-Caholic, thank you sir.
For the next 5 minutes I hear him typing away and mumbling to himself. Mind you, he hasn't asked me anything since I gave him my last name.
Them: Very well Al, how can I help you today?
Me: Well Mike, as you may have already heard, I am requesting a dispatch to resolve an ongoing issue at my client's location. Their equipment is synced up, so I just need a tech to prove they can 'surf' behind the modem. I am aware of the billable charges and accept them as necessary.
Them: (obviously what I said to him completely went over his head, so he proceeded to the next question on his script) And what operating system do you have sir?
Me: They don't have a computer at this site. They only have a router and a POS (Point-of-Sales Machine which is responsible for their ATM/Credit Card Transactions), which is not a Computer.
Them: What operating system are you using to connect to the internet?
Me: You just asked me that question buddy. I said there are no computers at this location. Just a Cisco Router, and a box that processes ATM/Credit Card transactions.
Them: (Shuffling papers was all I was heard for the next 30 seconds. He finally spoke in a more clear tone) And have they been ever to connect to the internet before?
Me: Yes, most recently two days ago.
Them: I'm sorry to hear about that sir, I will do my best to get this resolved. May I place you on hold while I test the line?
Me: No, you may not. The line is fine. It's synced, I can assure you that there's nothing wrong with the line. Please schedule a billable dispatch as soon as possible.
Them: Okay sir, I'm placing you on hold now for testing
Me: NO wait! (before I can protest, he places me on hold for the next 5 minutes)
5 minutes pass and finally takes me off hold...
Me: I asked you not to place me on hold.
Them: Thank you for holding sir, I have tested the line and everything looks to be working just fine.
Me: Uh huh, can you please schedule a dispatch now?
Them: but the line tests clean sir, a Technician visit would not solve this problem.
Me: And I told you that the line is just fine. (Now spoken slowly and firmly) I would like for you to arrange a billable dispatch as soon as possible...Please.
Them: I will have to send you to another department to have this done, but I will have to fill out a ticket first.
Me: Whatever dude, just please get this moving...it shouldn't be taking this long.
At this point, I'm annoyed as hell. Michael is a gentleman of Indian descent and seems to only understand approximately 10% of what I say...but I have been told that I am a patient and fair person at least once. Let's see if I can't prove them right.
Them: Thank you for holding, I have a few more questions for you before I can transfer you sir.
Me: Let's hear it.
Them: What operating system are you using?
Me: (I laugh incredulously right into the phone) You're not friggen serious, are you?
Them: Yes, I need to know the operating system you are using.
Me: This is the last time I'm telling you Mike, so please pay attention and take notes if you'd like *ahem*;
1) I am not at the location
2) There are no computers at this location.
3) In order to have an Operating System, they would have to be using a Computer.
4) They don't have a computer, therefore they do not have an Operating System
5) This location does not have a computer, but if you really want to fill out the whole ticket, you can just put 'Window's XP'.
He seemed satisfied with that answer (the last one) and asked me one last doozie before I asked for his Supervisor.
Them: Could you please provide your callback number so the technican can call you when he's near your home?
Me:........
Me: (after moments of silence~I was stunned he asked me this question) I'm done with you. I want to speak with your Supervisor.
I was impressed with how quickly I got that dispatch scheduled when I finally got transferred to a local Support Center (California). 'Fuck Outsourcing' is all I gotta say.
All in a day's work.
posted by Tobiwan | 11:10 AM
4 Comments:
Wow, just reading that made me want to smack my head into the wall repeatedly. Sometimes that is mildly more productive than talking to outsourced tech support.
Well I didn't understand a word of it! But then I'm not a computer tech!! I do understand your frustration though.
And damn, every time you mention California I want to be there :-(
fucken hell. sorry, but that really made me laugh ... the whole scripted thing is a joke, you woulda got further with an automated voice recog, or "press 2 for windows xp" !!!
God I miss Covad !!!
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