Moment of temporary reason

I'm taking a short break from my re-entry into the modern American courting process and thought I'd write it down to try to keep things in perspective. Specifically because I feel out of control with how intense the emotions I'm feeling at this time.

It's true that I have been thinking about this woman almost non-stop since meeting her and it never feels 'right' when this happens to me. It's also true that it's been so long since I met someone I'm interested in that I almost forgot what it to expect...expect nothing.

Setting expectations early in any circumstance eventually leads to disappointment of some kind. This I know too well from previous relationships, all of which came to an end. I'm still friends with a few of them, but I'd rather not continue with this trend. It's way too early to be able to say how things will turn out, and it's exciting in that way. I can say all I want about wanting to be exceptionally careful with this girl, but I will have to let my experiences guide me down the right path.

Fortunately for me, I have met someone who is equally cautious about her relationships. She has been more active in the dating world recently, but seems to keep meeting the same kind of boys; all with commitment issues. When she met me, she was with another guy who has been leading her on for awhile now. I'm not one to take advantage of situations like this, however, I was powerfully compelled to continue our conversation at another time. More specifically, another time when she wouldn't be distracted by her 'half-date' (as she put it).

The last few days have been surreal for me. Our phone conversations are filled with interesting topics that haven't dried up in spite of their exceptional length (fortunately, I believe in girth over length). She's picked up that I'm a pervert and even enjoys fueling my filthy mind with coyly worded statements (usually double entendres), how cool is that? You guessed it, I really like this girl (and even saying it like that feels like an understatement).

I guess I haven't elaborated much on this woman, so I'll explain some of the things that attracted me to her. The thing I noticed immediately was her smile and her eyes. This was before we started talking, I was very focused on those blue eyes of her. Light colored eyes always catch my attention for some reason, maybe because she has brown hair (and they stand out better that way). Once the conversation started flowing, I caught minor hints that she was available, so I took the initiative and told her I would be asking for her phone number later that evening. Her reply was immediate and confirmed what my instincts already told me.

Have I mentioned she's an Educator? When I discovered that, that took my interest up slightly higher than before. What is it about Educators that I find attractive? They're usually very passionate about what they do and chances are, pretty intelligent too. She's both and since she primarily works with children 5 through 12, we have a lot of common ground. To further reinforce this, she's also a single Mother with a 4yr old of her own. You can guess what we talked about the first few evenings: kids, the funny things they do, past relationships, and how they've changed us as people.

Since meeting her, my attraction isn't just limited to her mental facilities. I am intensely attracted to her and I can't remember the last time my penis ached so badly. One of our late night conversations got rather steamy and for the first time in several years, I felt that buzz you get in your brain just before you're about to have sex. Fortunately we were on the phone at the time, otherwise I don't think either of us would've been able to contain ourselves. Clearly, we are both starved for physical/emotional contact and it's going to be very interesting when we do eventually meet in person again.

I'm still feeling very overwhelmed by this flood of feelings. It takes every bit of my active thoughts to contain this and still some slips through. Fortunately, we have natural boundaries which prevent us from taking this too fast. She lives far enough away where I cannot conveniently see her. Secondly, she has a very busy schedule with her work, her son, and something she does for our Soldiers in the field (she coordinates with other civilians to provide basic necessities for Soldiers stationed outside the US in the form of 'care packages'). As if she didn't have enough on her plate as it is, she does Church on Sundays and one day during the week. I see this as a good thing as we both get just enough to remain interested, but the tension builds to the point where it has to be released somehow. When it does, you can imagine how intense it's going to be.

This is the first time I've been attracted to someone who goes to church (besides my very first GF; circa 1991), but this doesn't really bother me. She's not the kind to shove it in my face and that's all that matters; just don't tell me how I should think and I'll be happy. I don't really talk with her much about religion, but I'm well beyond my Christian-hater days when I couldn't even say the word without contempt. And when we do have that conversation, I think she will accept how I feel like she does with everything else (so far).

Isn't that nice? I just got a text from her while writing this:

'Thinking of you'

How does one followup with something like that? I'll come up with something, but every time I read or hear something like that, I feel giddy knowing the feeling is mutual.

What next? I wish I knew. I'm taking my logic-self's advice in that I should take it as slowly as possible. 'Expect nothing but respect and honesty.' Lessons in the past have proven that both are crucial to building something more than just two people flirting on the phone. I want a relationship, but I have to let things take their own course without forcing it. I believe in myself that I can do this because it's what I want.

Maybe she's the one, and maybe she's another one to help me understand what I want in a woman; hopefully not the latter. I guess we'll see how things turn out, but for now I'm enjoying how this has brought me something very positive to look forward to.