It seems only fair
I should begin by saying how sorry I am that I haven't been writing, but I'd be only apologizing to myself. The whole point of doing this was to dump my built-up laundry.

Speaking of Laundry, I need to do mine. There's my big 'Life' update.

It seems much more fun to just do a short 'dump' onto twitter. Although I'm still enjoying the whole anonymity thing, but I want more followers. It doesn't feel wrong to desire more audience, but once I have it, will that change what I say? Catering to an audience, on the other hand, doesn't feel right. The problem-solver in me wants to fix this along with all the other things I need to fix about me.

Vacations and other words that start with V
August marks my 37th anniversary of my birth and it also coincides with the Summer season. It's not really a special time for me, then again, if there's any month where I feel special, August would bear the closest resemblance.

Not much is really going on here other than working part time and trying to quit my vices. The smoking habit really needs to go which means I have to be very cautious on how much I drink. Drinking will eventually be weened back to where it was before I started this most recent binge. Once I start becoming a 'regular' at a pub, I know it's probably time for me to stop going there. To further reinforce this, I'm starting to see 'familiar' people, but I can't remember their names. Women seem to find this most offensive, especially when we've had memorable conversation. Oh well...it just means I wasn't interested enough to remember...or maybe too drunk...?

Just in case it's the latter, that's still unhealthy to do as often as it's been happening. I had to take an honest look at myself about this behavior and concluded that it has to stop immediately. I wont find any suitable women in a bar and if I do, I would prefer to be as sober as possible. It's really not all about the vagina, though. It would be more accurate to say that I want higher quality life which also happens to facilitate fornication with the opposite sex.

It amuses me that even in spite of how well I can control my penis, it still has the ability to manipulate my actions/idealogy. Who says Penis Power doesn't exist?

Didn't you get the memo?
I thought we were pretty much through, but I guess I was wrong. Maybe I should've really said all those things to you about our unrequited friendship. Now you're back sounding like you still want to be pals. Neat. Maybe you'll figure out that I erased everything about you (but the memories). I wont tell you why because it's all been in my head.

Maybe you would've also figured out how much of a nutjob I can be. And I can't help but still be attracted to you. It's too bad I have no idea if you feel the same, then again, maybe I just don't want to know (of course I want to fucking know!). You're a pretty cool chick, but you didn't contact me as much as needed. It's pretty simple, and sounds kinda desperate, but it's the truth. I felt like I was doing all the work to keep us cozy, so I figured you weren't interested and there you have it. And I acknowledge that you may not have been aware of my intentions. Not your fault. Again, nutjob, this guy.

The solution is simple: dial it down a few notches. Patience and discipline are two traits that always need work. Being impulsive and a victim to my own inner dialogue, makes it very hard to practice said traits.
I really don't remember where I was going with this....

Which means this is all the energy I'll spend on this trivial situation...for now.

My Firm Thighs
are something that have been on my mind lately. I ride a bike every day, so it's not uncommon for me to feel some sort of burning sensation in my burley thighs. I'm starting to see a pretty significant change in the shape of my legs, so maybe the ladies of the world will notice? Regardless, I will continue pedaling towards a goal of attracting a mate through pure superficiality.

A great side-bonus is that I get to explore my region at a slightly higher rate of travel. I suppose this is an exciting perk you attain by riding a bicycle at break-neck speed. I wear a helmet too, for those of you that are curious.

I used to cruise around my 'hood' when I was a youngster on my bike. I didn't realize, at the time, that this would be something I would enjoy as an adult as well. It's the very feeling I get when I ride my bicycle in and out of the urban life I behold at this time in my life.

I'm now wanting to get my kids' bikes ready for daily use as it will be a great contribution to our adventures. Both of my children have expressed interest in riding, so I think this will be a great outlet for them during the summer months.

Where am I going with this? Wherever the hell we choose.

Anonymity
I haven't felt this excited about it since I created my first aimname. I still have the same one since I initially signed up and don't see any reason for changing it. Recently, I created a twitter account since 140 characters is usually enough for me to say what's on my mind. You could say I'm one of those people that just says random shit. I'm not doing it for attention, but attention wouldn't be turned away.

Being anonymous again, however has made me realize how much I have to filter out to the general public. If you care to see the unfiltered Toby, let me know and I'll share the lurve.

Slab of Meat
Oh juicy representation of everything vegans despise, you are my Alpha and my Omega. Your tenderness savored through every movement of my mandible. Has it been so long since we hooked up to grill something together?

These were the thoughts going through my brain last night while I enjoyed my Happy Father's Day RibEye steak. It was good enough to blog about, seriously.

Breaking up with you...
is hard to do, but I know it had to be done. I started to feel bitter because I would spend all of this energy on staying in touch with you and yet you still never initiated contact with me. I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much of a doormat I was in my younger days. You know, or maybe you don't care? Either way, it's done...we're through and I actually feel pretty good about it.

Do you remember the last time we talked...oh, 3 months ago? I mentioned a BBQ with some friends in the coming months. You acknowledged this, but I knew deep inside of me, that you were just blowing me off again. At this point, it's my fault for believing you wanted to be my friend. You never once reinforced our friendship, so you have always been the one being pursued.

This whole pursuing process really gets on my nerves. I mean, this really makes me question if I'm so annoying that people just want to let me spin my fucking wheels on nothing? I try to be patient with people, but if it takes this much effort to be friends, I'm giving up before I get hurt again.

Why is it so hard to be friends with people? Should it really take this much energy with nothing in return? I don't fucking think so! I'm wasting my time with people who don't deserve my affection and I am done.