Gutted
You can't hear it, but there's a heavy sigh when I say this; I didn't get the job. After what I considered to be an awesome interview, I received a reply from prospective employer informing me that they have weeded me out of the running (for the job). Thanks, we'll keep you in mind, blah blah blah.

To say that I am supremely disappointed would be an understatement. It's really sad too, because I left feeling like I had a strong chance. I was practically floating out of the interview and now the fall seems to be about as much as I can take without a complete breakdown.

For the sake of my own self-preservation, I'm managing to stay outside the breaking point, but just barely. Crying about it wont change anything. I just have to pick myself up (again) and persist even though I feel like I've lost something significant.

At least they were nice enough to not make me wait for their decision. It's really the only sense of relief I have in spite of my intense feeling of failure. That's all I have to say right now.

California is fucked
Fresh from my Unemployment Appeal, I'm bitter and not at all confident that their decision is in my favor. My previous employer said some pretty over-the-top statements; ones which I can definitely see my Manager saying. The 'employer' comments were definitely worded in her tone and poor spelling, so I think that's one point in my favor. Maybe it's just me, but I found her comments to be grossly inaccurate.

I'm going to digress for a moment to bad-mouth my previous employers, because I feel I wasn't completely at fault in this instance. My management seemed to believe that 2 people could do the job 3 could previously by leveraging the other departments. Unfortunately what this meant is that any time we didn't have the resources to handle something, another department would have to take up the slack. This is a great idea unless other departments are busy with their own work. And when this did happen, all we could do was apologize that we didn't have enough time to do everything they expected of us. Their expectations are pretty high, unreasonable by the opinion of most. With these unreasonable expectations, I was in perpetual defensive mode to fight off all of my Managements emails as to why I couldn't keep up with the workload.

It's been my experience that people at the top are rarely cognisant of what the worker bees are doing. To make matters worse, my direct Manager was obtuse to the point where she dismissed my suggestions to streamline the existing processes. My fault in this case was that I really didn't feel like she supported me, so I just gave up trying to do things her way. They wanted the job done, so I did it to the best of my ability and it wasn't good enough for them. Oh well, I fail. Please fire me so I don't have to dodge 12 emails a day from my control-freak Manager.

I think if Cal was not in such a poor financial position, this would've never come to a formal appeal and I might not have to go ask the parents for a hand-out. This has certainly been a test for me for the last few months. It's not easy getting fired from a job. It doesn't look good on your interviews, no matter how you spin it. Fortunately, being honest about the conditions of the last position has helped me stay in the running with recent interviews.

In the coming months and years, I hope to put this bad experience behind me. I learned quite a bit about myself from the previous job; specifically what kind of employer I will work for. It really does matter to me if the person I'm working under listens to what I say and actually supports me. Despite my Manager being a supercunt, she taught me signs to look for that will tell me early if I can work for them. They were subtle signs that raised a flag, but I ignored them simply excusing them as being 'the new guy' syndrome and just trying to acclimate to the environment. I wont ignore my instincts next time.

I'm feeling much better now although I'm pretty much writing off the whole unemployment benefits. I just think Cal is going to deny as many people as they can since they're running out of money. I wont hold onto delusions of a 'just' system, not in this fucking economy. Now, to find myself a job at any cost (or pay).

Detoxification
As you probably guessed by now, my recreational habits have been shelved since I have been jobless. To help things along, my body has decided to reject alcohol in the most annoying manner; by giving me major sinus congestion every time I have a drink or two. What's next oh-body-of-mine...? Maybe you'll reject Pot too? Please don't, or I will punch you in the face!

After some research on these symptoms, it seems that our buddy 'Al' is a natural Histamine. Who fucking knew? Well, me now, but it was still a shock to learn this after years of exercising my liver so vigorously.

It wasn't always like this, however, I did notice it much earlier in my history. It certainly wasn't as frequent as it is now which is the cause for my alarm. I mean, what changed? I'm definitely not drinking as much as I was when I had a steady income. As to what I'm drinking, that's pretty much the same as before; Vodka, Beer, Rum, sometimes Whiskey.

More research yields that all of these are made with different ingredients. Vodka being Grain alcohol, Beer mostly being made from Wheat, Rum which is made from Molasses. It's most definitely not a specific component, so yay for not having a wheat/grain/molasses allergy!

On the lighter side, I'm feeling pretty good without having so much to cloud up my brain. It really would be nice to get stoned once in a while, but I have to wait till I have a steady job.

So many things will change once I am finally back on the 'employed' status, I'm overwhelmed with the prospects. I'm now at the point where I'm not desperate, which definitely helps to keep me calm when it comes time to interview.

Speaking of interviews, I've had a few lately and made it through the initial 'weeding' process. This week, I'll be meeting with some people who run an Internet Radio company. Said company is, to put it lightly, supremely freaking awesome. They are definitely going places, and I don't even mind the significant cut in pay (from the last job) to work for them. I had a friend pass along my resume to the right people and it was enough to get me past the initial flood of applicants. I'm trying not to think about how daunting it is to get a job among so many applicants.

The phone interview with the Manager was short, but he invited me in for a face-to-face interview with his team, so I think it went well. I speculate that his team, which would ultimately be my peers, will have lots of questions for me and will play a large factor in their decision. I get along with pretty much everyone, so the interview is on my mind, but it's definitely not causing the stress one would think.

Hopefully I will be hearing from them by the end of the week, perhaps by the next week. I'm sure the world will know the decision, regardless of the outcome.