Texual Communications (Revised)

It has, once again, come to my attention that I should stop using text to communicate with prospective companions. Nothing i've been exposed to thus far has been the cause of so many misunderstandings/fights as text.

I know why it bothers me; It's not what's being written, it's what's not being written, how long it takes to respond, and punctuation/lack thereof. They're all subject to the observers' perspective and often times, what we read isn't what the other person means to say. Fucking confusing!

People like myself, ones of the hyper-observant pursuation, are often times jaded about text conversations because they just never live up to the conversations you can have in person. I'm just so dissatisfied with the responses I get that it makes me not want to respond. To prevent this jaded feeling, I will, from this point further, have the expectation that I wont ever be satisfied with text communication and leave it at that.

If this chick wasn't so cool, I probably wouldn't care, but in her case, I'm taking extra precautions to make sure my neurosis doesn't compromise a perfectly healthy growing relationship with her. To make me even more paranoid about this, she knows my blog address. I suppose if she has read it with any frequency, it shouldn't concern me because she's still talking to me.

A former associate of mine made a comment on my FB today about wondering why I'm still single. Geez, can you open a bigger fucking can of worms? Where do I start? Let me sum it up by saying that I think this blog should be changed to 'how I fucked it up and what to do if you want to remain single' but that's too damned long. On the outside, it would appear that i'm 'normal', but I know that's nowhere near being the truth.

It's true that I'm entirely too hard on myself about matters of the heart. Is it wrong to not want the best for yourself? My theory here is that I'm not happy with myself, so how could I expect others to be happy with me?
Right...now you know what's been on my mind lately.

Restless (again)

This may be the caffiene talking, but I'm feeling very restless to move forward. I think my idling status is beginning to take it's toll on my psyche. Whenever I sit too long in one place, I start questioning if I'm really making any forward progress. The brute in me would bludgeon me with the phrase, 'If you have to ask, then you don't need to know'.

I have done much honest soul-searching lately...so much that I'm weak with the burden of what I need to do to be where I want.

My sense of urgency is heightened as I near my 36th birthday. Why is this? Well...let's see, I really don't have my shit together when people my age are contemplating retirement. To the outside observer, I probably appear like I'm a fuck-up (or maybe that's just me being too hard on myself once again). I acknowledge this which is why I am still single after 5 years after a marriage I'm still surprised I was capable of in the first place.

I know what I need to do, but asking is close to amputating one of my own limbs (with something very dull and very rusty without drugs).

'Suck it up, Toby'

Yeah...it's time to do just that.

"Please hit FF, thanks!"

This is what I'm saying in my mind today at the beginning of July. This month, I anticipate being very heavily used at work and also started an early shift to help out during the day.