Anti-Social
The proverbial walls are, once again, closing in upon me, but this time, I'm doing it to get myself some focus. In my recent social hiatus, I've been focusing on self-improvement because I need to do it for myself. My previous motivation was to do it because my kids need a better life. Unfortunately, that's just not enough for me to want to do it despite how much they need it.

I need to do this for myself and not for anyone else (as I previously had hoped I could get away with doing). It's a selfish necessity, but it has to be before you can help anyone else. This philosophy reminds me of something i've read just recently (on another blog I think): They used the analogy of an Airplane disaster preparation whereas the instructions tell you to place the mask on yourself before you put it on your child. The analogy totally makes sense....how could you help anyone else if you're incapacitated? That really hit home for me and I think I've adopted it as my motivation to pull myself out of this hole I keep digging for myself.

When it rains...
It fucking pours...and that's the truth if there ever was one. I believe technology is on strike in my world and I'm really ready to just throw it in the garbage. I'm referring to my computer and my car. These two vital pieces of technology have successfully grounded my social life to a halt (not that it was really in much motion anyway).

Light may be at the end of the tunnel, though. Having roommates that also have computers means I get the 'hand-me-downs', which isn't such a bad thing. They tend to upgrade their hardware every year and some change, this means that I'll be getting stuff that's less than 2 years old. That's way-the-hell better than mine, so no complaints here. The only drawback I'm seeing here is that I'll have to install the components on my own. Not impossible, but certainly not something I am an expert at accomplishing. I'm sure my nerdren will offer me some advice if I fuck it up somehow.

At least I have all these books to keep me occupied, otherwise, I'd be gorging myself on 'On Demand' programming in front of the tube.

Wonton Soup and other forms of gratification

Lately, along with my reading binge, I have had the taste of Wonton Soup on my mind. The cute girls at the local Chinese food place have recognized me now as 'the guy who orders Wonton Soup' and I'm sure possibly 'The weird fella that flirts with them' whenever I walk through their doors.

It's true, I flirt with them, but only to see them smile in response. I'm a sucker for a girl with a smile, what can I say? Uhm...sorry?

Moving on....

Work's been especially difficult with the changes they've made recently. I'm wondering why they decided to remove the permissions for us to make even the most basic changes. The only nice thing about this is that we have to transfer people to other departments when they need these 'basics' changed. My explanation to them is a verbal shrug of my shoulders and wish them luck to get in touch with the phantom people who can help them.

I'm burned out today, which is why my goal is to do as much work as possible without doing any legitimate work. Surely I'm capable of doing this considering I see so many of my coworkers get away with it (on a daily basis). Now it's time for you to wish me luck.

Thankfully, after I 'clock out' here, I'm going to make my way to pick up the kids. I haven't seen my little girl for a few days, but have been told she's nearly made a full recovery. Thankfully, she's not contageous anymore, otherwise public transportation would've been interesting to say the least. I will be giving her a very long crushing hug when I see her...already warned her. I figured she'd spring back pretty quickly, and it's fortunate she did...Halloween would've been dull without having to take them both trick or treating.

On a more serious note, I have been soul-searching moreso now than I have in the past. Maybe it's because the dreaded Winter Holidays are just beyond the horizon? My aim was to make a list of things I believe I do well to better prepare myself for whenever I decide to take off my 'unavailable' tag.

My roommmate, Big V, made an observation that made sense to me, so I'm stickin with it until proven otherwise. He told me that I seem to be more effective when I'm improvising. To this day, I don't think I give my improvisational skills much credit even though I should. Relying on your own instincts can be very hard to do when they have failed in the past. Blind faith in my instincts, for that matter, is still a very hard pill to swallow even though I'm beginning to accept it for truth.

We'll see how that goes...it's worth a shot rather than sulking over past failures.

Anyway, I've wasted enough time avoiding work (at least for this hour). Hope you all have an enjoyable weekend!

My poor baby...

She's at home right now with Chicken Pox! Holy shit....

I just talked to her and she's so miserable...I wish I could do something to make this easier for her to get over. The weird part here is that she's already had them (when she was around a year old). Maybe her immune system wasn't roughed up enough last time?

Anyway, I'm desperate to find her some relief. Does anyone know anything to make the ride a little less bumpy (no pun intended) for my baby?