Blogus Ignoramus

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Location: San Leandro, California, United States

I've spent hours trying to write 'about me' so I just gave up and you'll have to figure this out for yourself. Thanks for stopping in anyway!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Conference

For the last 3 days, I have been subject to the worst torture known to man (short of finding out she's got a boyfriend/significant other): The Annual Sales Conference.

Yes, the Sales Conference was eventful in a 'I-feel-like-taking-a-nap' way. Like every situation, however, there's always some resemblance of a positive outcome. Namely, meeting a lot of really key contacts in the company. It turned out that I knew more of them than I had expected, which made for a really enjoyable social setting.

On a good note, I was at one of the social functions (after the conference) at the bar when the President (and COO) walks up to me. Not only did he know my name, but he also knew my history with Support as well as my migration to the Sales Team. Needless to say, I was floored by his initiative. So we talked off-the-record and I'm still in shock that we had a very normal conversation. In said conversation, he said that he thought it was a perfect move for me and offered his cell number in the event that I wanted to talk about anything. I'm amazed that he would take the time to know the people who work for him and it's earned my loyalty to say the least. Why the hell can't more Presidents be like that?

Completely off the subject

And oh-my-gawwwwd, what is it about Women from the East Coast that set my libido aflame?? I personally think it's the way they say certain words like 'orfice' (translated to 'office') or 'pawk' (translated to 'park'). This accent used to totally repel me, but now I'm attracted to it like a moth to flame.

Okay, digression is over. Moving on....

So me and my big fucking mouth 'volunteered' to help create a Knowledge Base for the Sales department. Little did I know that when I was making suggestions on things that would make our jobs easier, the VP of Sales retorted that he thought it was a great idea for me to offer to create one. I fucking hope he was joking.

Fortunately, my 3 days of torture is over. Now I can return to my turmoil filled life in Sales and maybe fucking sell something!!! ><

Friday, January 25, 2008

And on the 8th day...

God created Pinstripe Business suits for Women.

Seriously, I think after that 7th day, he was like, 'Y'know, I just got done creating the Universe and Everything in it....now I'm going to relax and make something all of my children will enjoy!' And *poof*~he created Pinstripe Business suits. Or at least that's how I think it happened.

Yeah, those of you that know me well will say, 'Toby, you don't believe in god, what kind of bullshit are you trying to sell?'. Then I'd say, 'No, you're right, I don't believe in god, but I sure do want to thank him for creating Pinstripe Suits anyway.'

Whoever the hell invented them...I just want to say 'Thanks!' because I love the way they make a woman's ass look.

That is all.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Anti-logic Explained

I'm not sure if I have ever explained my roommate's uncanny ability to win arguments, but his secret will now be revealed. Roommie, if you're reading this right now...so sorry logic is not one of your strong points, and yet, you win every argument...tough shit...the world deserves to know.

Him: We need to start getting to work on time. Can you do me a favor and let me get into the bathroom before you take your shower? I will only take a few minutes (whereas you always take long showers).

Nice of him to blame me for our tardiness considering I've had to wake him on countless mornings.

Me: Why would it matter if I let you into the bathroom first? I still have to wake you up every morning anyway.

Him: Because you take too long.

Me: Huh?

Him: What part of 'you take too long' didn't you understand?

Me: So, if you wake up when I do, why don't you just get in the bathroom before I do.

Him: Because you get up too early.

Me: ......

Me: Okay, let me get this straight...you want me to wake you up before I get into the shower even though you just admitted to me that I get up too early for your liking.

Him: Yes.

Me: (flinching to his response)....

I have no fucking idea what to say to him. His anti-logic wins again...damn him!!

I eventually gave in and decided to only partly honor his request. Now, I get up even earlier so 'I don't make us both late (again)' and I make it a fucking point to audibly (understatement) knock on his door when I am up. Once I hear him mutter anything relating to me using the bathroom, I proceed at my usual showering speed (which is long, I suppose, but I prefer morning wanks over pre-bed wanks).

The conversation still rings quite clearly in my mind...mainly because of his blatant lack of solid reason. If the convo had gone my way, it would've done this way;

Him: Hey Tob, my boss is hounding the shit out of me to get to work on time. Do you think we could start leaving for work at an earlier hour?

Me: I don't think that would be a problem dude. I'll just set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier and knock on your door when I'm out of the shower unless you'd prefer to use it before me.

Him: No thanks, but you wake up too early for my liking.

See how this conversation went much simpler? He still used anti-logic on me, but it was well after we resolved his concerns. I personally think all issues would be much simpler solved if I was in charge.

My friends agree that said roommate uses Anti-logic against them, and they also confirm that he's used similar tactics when settling arguments. When I find other examples, I'll be sure to share them; they're quite amusing as long as you're not on the receiving end of it.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sold Out

It's been a really enjoyable week for me so far. Training was last week and went off without any hitches. What's really unusual is that my first thought when I wake up, is that I'm not dreading going to work.

No, I haven't sold anything, but it's still early in the week!

That...is...all.