What inspires me?

Over the years, I haven't been able to pin down exactly what inspires me to write. The only true commonality was that they were absolutely impulsive.

On the day my daughter was born, I wrote a poem because I couldn't think of anything else to do while she was sleeping. She was born premature and had a very weak heartbeat at birth, so my wife and I were very distraught until they gave us the green light to take her home. I haven't looked at the poem since I wrote it, but I remember vividly trying to muster (more like clutching desperately to~) anything positive out of the situation I could.

On the day I saw that bright neon blue object in the sky (cinco De Mayo BABY), I wrote scores of words about how much it changed my view of the universe.

On those days when I was dumped, I cried in anguish and wrote some of the best material to date.

I guess you could say that situations with deep emotions could cause me to be inspired, but they're impulsive none-the-less.

Why do I bring up what inspires me? Good question...the reason is pretty simple; I've been reading some new blogs lately and it's given me some things to think about. I'm inspired by their courage, their quirks, and most definitely, their Humanity. It still amazes me how quickly I can get caught up in other peoples' lives by reading their blogs. I find myself completely helpless to resist reading every post I can fit into my eye sockets. Blog crush? Probably...is it contageous, I sure-fucking hope not!

I'd like to be more consistent with keeping this place updated, but I just haven't felt like I had much to share, even if it would be just to have some sort of record of it. Maybe writing for the sake of writing is healthy? Unfortunately, I think i'm out of things to talk about for now. Thanks for stopping by!

Lists and Lists

I'm writing down some lists because I need to take another inventory of where I am in life. This list is mostly honest without revealing sensitive subjects. Assume if they're not listed, then I either didn't think of them at the time, or didn't think it relevant to mention it, or they don't belong on the list at all.

Here goes...

List of things I need to clear from my conscience (in no particular order):

1. Get my taxes done
2. Get my divorce (yes, I'm a slacker) finalized
3. Register my vehicle
4. Clear my previous tickets (all non-moving violations)
5. Extinguish my debts
6. Move out on my own with one or both children
7. Get a job that challenges/inspires me to succeed
8. Get healthy/eat properly

I believe I need these things resolved (most of them anyway) before I can feel like I have nothing to complain about (trivial concerns would be nice).

Things I want out of life:

1. Find a Woman I can call my own (or a dirty whore if she'll let me)
2. A fulfilling sex life
3. Watch my children succeed
4. Succeed on my own~become self reliant
5. Drive a fuel efficient vehicle
6. Venture into space
7. Travel to Foreign soil and sample their female stock (if 1 hasn't been fulfilled)
8. Have sex in a moving train (but I'd settle for having it on a stationary train too)
9. Retirement
10. Pay for a Holiday/Vacation for my Parents
11. Have something I've written become a house-hold word/name (it's a stretch, I know)
12. Happiness
13. Become a Grandparent (not too soon of course)

This is all I can think of for right now, but I'll probably add to it later if something else comes up.

The Things I have

1. A filthy mind
2. Children blessed with Intelligence and a Sense of Humor
3. an ammicable relationship with my childrens' mother
4. Parents, Family, and friends who care about me
5. my health (for now)
6. a good sense of humor
7. a car that works (for now)
8. a roof over my head
9. a steady libido
10. a steady job (I dislike only a lot)

I'll add to this later when I'm not so eager to get the hell outta here. Ciao!

Warning: The following comments are likely to be irrational and insensitive.

So here I arrive at work this morning in a somewhat better mood than normal. I have the weekend with my kids to look forward to, traffic was light, and the classical radio station I listen to was playing the most delightful music on the drive into work.

As I read through my emails, I get one from my boss informing me that my efforts in the last few weeks have been less than acceptable. *double-take* Is he fucking kidding me?

I read through the whole thing twice to make sure he's not just fucking with me~nope...he's serious. WTF do they want more from me than I'm already giving them? They want more calls out of me and want me to avoid making outbound calls. WTF...it's not like I'm calling all my relatives across the countryside. *fume*

Every fucking call, I provide platinum quality service. Every goddam pissy customer I deal with ends the call with the confidence that not everyone in this fucking company is useless. Maybe I have too much pride in my work? All I know right now is that I'm very close to snapping completely. It's probably time for me to get up from my desk and ask a coworker if he can take me for a spin around the block. Getting stoned right now sounds pretty lovely to me. Could it be that I have been a pothead to deal with the bullshit of doing this same job for so many years?

Yesterday, I spoke with some fellas from Cisco and I blew their goddam socks off with my level of support. They told me to place an application and make sure to reference their names. I guess I made the right impression.

All this tells me is what everyone I know has been telling me over and over again lately. I need a new job like I need a blowjob. I'm so fucking pissed off right now, I have the job sites all over my desktop~eat that fuckers!

I work my ass off to help people and all it does is get me into trouble. I will admit that I tend to take personal ownership of each issue I work, but I guess the company really isn't interested in 'fixing' things as long as Management still gets their bonus checks. If there was a way to get even with every single one of you, I might feel a lot better about being in the position I am.

I'm now getting up from my desk now...wish me luck. Must....chill....