Why do I bother?

This afternoon, I opened up my email and noticed~holy shit! 46 Emails from Myspace. Have the gods finally blessed me with an endless supply of slutty girl-meat? Why yes...I think...it might...just be an annoying fucking bot.

I guess this means that I need to completely lock down my profile so nobody is allowed to contact me. Which is cool since I only use it to keep in touch with people I knew in the past. It certainly doesn't deter from how annoying it is to delete all those emails.

Reader of Smut

Lately, I have been reading an excess of smut on the web. It certainly hasn't helped calm my libido. Check out literotica.com for some really delicious smutty stories. Sure there's no substitute for the real thing, but it's amazing how much release one can achieve after reading something to stimulate the mind (and other parts that require blood).

I forgot what I was going to write about since I'm pre-occupied with tales of forbidden lust. That's all for now unless you want to recommend any good smutty stories.

Media Circus

Is anyone else tired of looking up from their desk to see the same story on the news? *raises his hand*

If any of you don't already know by now, I loathe the fact that my office has CNN playing on a huge Flatscreen. I have purposefully moved objects to obstruct my view at the hideous brain sucking anomaly...yes, I hate it that much. I reserve that word 'hate' for very few things in this world, and I can't think of one more deserving than the News.

They really know how to beat a dead horse or to suck the life out of every story they get their hands upon. Today, I noticed them conducting an interview with the Gunman's family Mailman~Their fucking mailman!

What a great story I say! Let's interview the guy that carries the family's mail! Habib the mail carrier gives a very convincing scenario of the family's home life. Here's your 5 minutes of fame Habib, good-fucking-game. They'll play that for several hours until they think of some other fantastic spin-off story.

And now the subject of Gun Control on the news. This is as useless and time consuming as the cease-firewar on Drugs. What will it solve? People will still get guns, they'll still shoot eachother, and the rest of the world will continue to believe that we are all clinically insane (which is debatable) for not making them illegal. How do you make something illegal that was written into our laws during Colonial times? You fucking don't...period.

Gas Station Girl

You could say I broke out the charm this morning when I was filling up the roommate's car with petrol. I'm not sure what it is about chick smokers, but I really do find myself attracted to them. Maybe it's the way they wrap their lips around it and suck on it?

- So I asked her name, she told me.
- I asked her if she lived in the area. She gave me some specific details including the Apartment Complexes name.
- And she slipped in the fact that she would be working tomorrow as well.

Why the hell didn't I ask for her number right then? Isn't that a good sign if she's willing to divulge personal information to a complete stranger?

I let myself have it later when I was leaving...no need to add to the flames.

So what am I doing tomorrow before I goto work? Getting her goddamn phone number if it fucking kills me. Let's hope she doesn't have a boyfriend....

The Bookworm

Lately, my eyes have been filled with Sci-fi overload. In the last week, I've gone through 3 books ranging from time travel to pending Human extinction. I've read them all before, but several years ago~long enough to forget almost everything.

Once in a while, I go through this phase, but some good things come from it. For example, I seem to have a lot more words in my brain to express myself. It seems that my mind works in ways of a factory...the more words I see, the more I add to memory and use in proper context.

More John Varley Please

Steel Beach is my next book I intend to tackle. It's a hardback, which means I'll be able to bludgeon people with it if they piss me off. This is probably a good excuse to unpack the rest of my books and make my room, in the least, look 'lived in'.

Turbulent Waters

Yesterday was a pretty remarkable day in comparison to the others i've experience lately. It began like any other~shitty, and just shy of dental work. I was on the phones and being made aware that this wouldn't change in the coming months, yes...months.

Fortunately for me, I have made friends with some pretty wonderful people in my brief history.

Leave it to a friend of mine from far-away to brighten my day with a plant and a note wishing me a more pleasant day. When it arrived for me and I read the note, I nearly fell over from the truly kind and selfless gesture. It's not like me to become overwelmed with emotion, but I was having one of those days where I felt like my proverbial fuse had already been dipped in a highly flammable substance. Once I found a quiet spot, I shed a few tears just to ease the pressure until I could get it all out later.

My friend reads this blog once in a while, and I've been milling on how to communicate to her my appreciation for a few days now.

Dear Special Friend,

You pulled me out of the dark waters of despair when I least expected. Since I've known you, you have given me all the things only friends can deliver~honesty, compassion, an ear to bend, and a shoulder to cry upon. For this, you're stuck with me as your loyal and undying friend.

I hope to someday honor you with the same act of kindness, but it wont quite describe the love I feel for you, not nearly.

Thanks again for being there for me.

Lots of gushy love gobbildy-gook, etc.

Toby

Am I a bad parent because the Easter Bunny avoids my house?

Religion is something I haven't talked about much on this blog...or anywhere else for that matter. A quick summary of my religious history for those of you not in the immediate know:

- Parents raised us as Agnostic, but never scorned us for showing interest in going to church.
- In High School, my first girlfriend got me involved in a Pentacostal Church. Her parents actually said she couldn't date me unless I went to church with them twice a week. I went because I enjoyed how she looked when she got nekkid for me and I was totally infatuated with her.
- Several months later, said girlfriend went to a Church related camp and came back a completely different person. I guess I wasn't as close to God as she wanted. She broke my heart a few days after her return, which wasn't entirely a surprise to me. I didn't see any reason to continue wasting my time in a place that loved to quote 'Turn or Burn', so I never returned to said whack-job church.
- For several years afterwards, I was a rabid Christian hater and would take any opportunity to belittle anyone that told me they believed in Christianity. You could say I was bitter.
- Eventually, I just let it all go and these days, I have become indifferent to others' theologies.

Now that you've gotten a sense of my religious background, I'll explain why I brought this up.

Easter...is a holiday I have never really celebrated in the traditional sense. Easter Egg hunts and Family picnics were always associated with this Holiday, but you wouldn't find any of us near a church on that day. Eventually, we stopped celebrating that alltogether, which wasn't really a big deal to me or anyone else in my fam.

Later, when I had kids, we celebrated the Chocolate Bunny holiday every year until the separation. For the last 3 years, my exwife has given out sweets all neatly tucked in a wicker basket and fake grass. How seasonly!

This year is the first Easter I've had my kids with me as luck would have it and I'm having a dilemna on what I should do with them. Here's what I have so far:

• Tell my kids that I don't celebrate meaningless Holidays
• Possibly destroy my daughter's innocence by telling her that the Easter Bunny doesn't come to my house.
• Suck it up and buy a basket for each of them (with money I don't have) with sweets.
• Compromise with them and see if they would prefer Steak and Shrimp instead.
• Cook bbq chicken and ask them how the Easter Bunny tastes.

Obviously I don't have many reasonable options, but I'm really tempted to just tell them that I don't celebrate it and just have a normal weekend.

What do you think I should do?