Holy Potluck Hell

To the inventors of the Potluck; I wish you a thousand lifetimes of unpronouncable venerial deseases.

So Halloween time comes, and like any moderately celebrated holiday, someone gets the Potluck bug up their ass, then we get stuck with having to bring a 'dish' out of obligation to conform. Holy hell do I hate potlucks. I'm totaly with Anne on this one.

This year, my department has been 'chosen' to provide the breakfast for this grandiose Potluck. This means that breakfast will consist of Halloween colored sprinkles' donuts I assume. Strangely enough, I am overhearing several of the supervisors seriously trying to motivate us (my dept is 98% men/boys) to bring something tomorrow for the sake of proving to the other departments that 'we can contribute' like the other departments. Much later, after I recovered from my hysterical fit of laughter, I re-read the initial email.

'If you plan to attend tomorrow's Potluck' Wow, they actually offered us a way out from the madness! HOLY SHIT!! I'm FReeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! *disrobes and streaks through the department*

Pub Conclusions

I have decided, by recent events, to share that I enjoy flirting with women of every variety at the pub. On a Sunday evening, it seems that remembering a name of a woman from the previous visit to the Pub has paid off in some ways. Why would remembering a name of a woman in the pub be significant? I'll do my best to share as I've had a few drinks and can only speculate on why women react in the way they do.

Remembering one's name, especially after no formal introduction is pretty important to the initial greeting. IE. I knew this girl's name well before she knew mine. She was receptive to eye contact and I think I approached her in the right way~I had a few drinks and had the courage to speak with her~we talked about career stuff, which is always good for figuring out where they are in their life. I'll definitely have to talk to her again soon as well as lay out the flirtation~hopefully she'll be receptive to discussions of her views on her sexual preferences. Methinks a few drinks will allow her to be comfortable enough to talk of such things.

Eye contact

Is the most important thing I've seen as important in male/female relations. Being that I have a set of eyes that are attractive to most (Blue/green), I tend to use them most to do the initial damage. My eyes have been said to be 'penetrating' in the past, and having seen what my children can generate, I think mine are enough to at least attract attention.

Assets are really everything among the initial meeting, and I do my best to make them to be the topic of my interest. Talking about oneself tends to be a little egotistical in my opinion, so I try to focus on what they like rather than go into fully what I find 'interesting'.

A little Drunk

I'm a little faded this evening after a few drinks at the pub. It's an English Pub I like to visit on Sundays. So far, I've seen the same bartender who seems to know what I like upon demand. I suppose this is a good thing considering she'll serve me the same thing I've ordered in the past. Tonight, I ordered a few different things, so maybe she'll be more conscious of what I like next time. Um...I don't know what else to talk about considering I'm intoxicated and horny as hell.

Is sex even worth it with this one?

Recently, I've renewed communications with an old flame. She was responsible for awakening the 'Freak' in me even at an early age herself. I'm amazed at how easily she's able to stimulate the weaker parts of my brain even after a few years of not talking to her. Props to her for being as sexy as I remember her to be.

Sure enough, it only took a few conversations with her via yahoo for me to also be reminded what a fucking psycho she is in real life. Why is it that the sexually aware ones also come with a host of other dealbreakers? Anyway, I have proactively stuffed that deteriorating skeleton back into my closet. Maybe she'll grow up in a few more years...until then, good riddance. I've got better things to do than have you reflect everything back on me....

PS. Why don't you go play hide-and-go-fuck-yourself you psycho cunt?

Mostly Successful BBQ

The BBQ turned out pretty good. This oceanic trout (steelhead I think) tastes a lot like salmon...almost the same color too. Most importantly, it's edible! Methinks i'll have to explore other fish in the sea/rivers/lakes at a sooner date than last.

It's been a while since I last cooked fish. It's normally not in my diet, but I figured I could give it a try since I'm branching out for my proteins. So far, this makes probably the 4th time i've attempted fish. The first time was a great learning experience for me. Dipshit-me placed the filets directly on the grill~which seemed like a great idea at the time. It was only later when I first tried to turn the filets over that I saw my great lack of foresight. The filet pieces just fell apart when I tried to move them and the bottoms were stuck to the grill as well. Another factor was that I had never cooked fish prior to that day. Needless to say, I found that the salvageable meat was not easy to eat, probably because of what I chose (Catfish, I think)...oh well, I learned some valuable information for my next attempt.

Why I'm talking about former attempts at cooking fish, I'll never know, I'm just running with it.

The next attempt was Shark steaks. Those really turned out better than I thought other than I think I may have cooked them for too long. I even tricked my kids into eating some of it because it looked a lot like the chicken I was cooking along-side it. *snicker* It took them a few more bbqs to trust me when I offered them charred meat without telling them what it is.

"Hey dad, what's this?" The boy says pointing to the sliced steak on his plate. He squinted his eyes suspiciously at me, "Is this Shark?" The girl joins him in a speculative stance.

I try to contain my Impish grin, but they see right through it. I giggle only a little bit before telling them, "I don't think so...why? Don't you trust me?" *snickers again* is it wrong to enjoy fucking with your kids like this? I would think it makes them sharp, or at least I hope so I can justify doing it again.

Mostly what I cook for them they eat as long as it isn't too exotic. I think the Shark was just something so out of the ordinary for their little minds to comprehend, but I also believe they've grown up enough to know that I usually have their palates in mind when I offer them something new. It's very interesting to see how their taste for foods develops...I'm a big nerd for finding this fascinating, but I don't care, they're my kids, they're also the most amazing thing ever to happen to me.

It will be interesting to see how they react when they come over this weekend and I have no chips (ahem, crisps) or other junky foods for them to eat. They now have a choice of veggies, fruits, and good ol' string cheese.

Back to discipline

Yeah, there's that word again. I have been fighting off the words to express how much I need it right now. As usual, I mean this in a few different ways, one being sexual, and the other literal interpretation. It seems that the older I get, the more deviant things I find appealing. For example, 5 years ago, I would've never thought I'd like the idea of being tied to a chair, blindfolded, tortured, and fucked silly. Now, it's the one image I can't purge from my mind. Is the freak in me pounding at the walls to get out again? I have not felt any submissive tendencies in the past, but as I delve more into the meaning of being dominant, I see the need to see both sides of it to truly understand it.

There's a lot of mixed thoughts I have about sharing this particular part of my sexual appetite with the world, and I might share later when I stop worrying if this makes me a masochist by definition. Anyway, I need sex, or at least some serious physical interaction with the female gender involving fluid exchange.

One last observation before I pound the final nail into this proverbial coffin (thread)...I find great amusement in that my physiological desires could motivate me to turn my life around. Leave it to instincts to lead me in the right direction, even if it is associated with procreation.

Needing discipline

Today, I signed up for a Gym Membership, which means that I am now paying for something I should be using. That reminds me, I need to invest in a few phone plan...I rarely ever come close to using those minutes I pay for and i'm not being reimbursed for not using them. I also hate AT&T like I hate the term 'Quickie'. Anyway, I have other bones to pick with AT&T I'll get into later (when I am really bored). For now, I'm going to talk about me and what's been going through my head.

Recently, I have not felt all that attractive to women. The jeans that fit a few months ago are now taunting me as they wait for me to suck it up and exercise. I haven't exactly weighed myself, but I know I need to lose some weight and get back into self-improvement mode. The purchase of the gym membership was one way I know I would force myself to do it. I also remember the times when I was working out regularly. I felt great, and I felt good about myself...I also got a lot more action. It eventually comes down to needing more action, isn't that always the case with me? I suppose there's a number of reasons I need to do this, but I wont bore you with things you probably have already guessed anyway.

Meeting the gorgeous waitress girl has really got me thinking how great it would be to be desired by someone like her. I'm not really putting her on a pedestal, but truthfully, this is a woman that could probably get any guy she wanted just by asking. Is it wrong to want beautiful, sexy, freaky woman to like you for your appearance? Uhm...I'll get over it if they do.

To match the exercise, I have also implemented the 'no junkfood' rule which I think I've at least started with the best of intentions. I went shopping after I planned out my meals for the next few weeks and ended up with some nice changes of pace from my former gluttonous behavior. Cutting out my carb intake was my intention with this diet, so I bought veggies, assorted meats, and healthy forms of carbs (apples, bananas, etc) to even it all out. Tonight, I'm going to try cooking some fish on the BBQ to see how it turns out. Wish me luck!

West Side Story

For those of you that haven't seen it, I really don't think you'll be missing anything. The significance of me mentioning this is purely on grounds that I am being unspecific about the name of a female I met this weekend.

'I once met a girl named....'

When I first met her, it was on St. Patrick's Day and I'm sure I was almost as drunk as I was last night where I saw her for the 2nd time. It's another waitress of course, but she only serves cocktails and erections. Big V initially made our introductions, but he offered the opinion that she has nothing upstairs. I mean to prove/disprove that if I get the chance and besides, she was the only eligible female at the Costume Party. I was pleased to hear that she had a lot to talk about and seemed interested in our conversation. And holy shit, this woman is so fucking smoking hot, I can't even begin to describe how attracted I am to her. Want-to-tap-that-bod. But in order for me to get to that stage, stubborn me wants to get to know what's going on in her head. I could probably talk about her for a while, so I wont bore you with any of the details. Let's just say that our conversation was fluid, flirtatious, and I will definitely be visiting her this Tuesday to get her number. Oddly enough, I'm not nervous about it...anxious is probably a better adjective.

In the Pub with a Costume

I recommend anyone to goto a Bar dressed in a Priest outfit with Devil horns protruding from you head. If you don't have one of those handy, any costume will do. The reason I bring this up is because we had a few detours before we arrived at the party on Saturday. One of these places was a pub where the bartender bought me a few drinks and I was the center of attention for my short stay there. Wearing a costume of any kind, you'll quickly find that it's a perfect attention-getter as well as good conversation material. 'Oh, I'm going to a costume party', or 'Oh, that happens whenever I'm feeling spikey' are usually good responses. I think i'll have to do that again sometime soon.

Another inebriated rant

So why is it that I keep the truth from people even when it burns me up inside? Politeness? Consideration for others' feelings? General Ettiquette? *shrugs* Whatever the root feeling, I wish to be able to purge it so I can say, 'Hey, since you're not making any conversation with us, why don't you go somewhere else?'.

Tell me if this is not something that needs to be said out loud. I'll explain....

Tuesday night at the pub: Big V and I on another attempt at measuring his wingman skills (or lack thereof) and other non-specific goals. The highlights:

- I spent an abnormal amount of time admiring a young woman who also served me food recently. At least she's 21, right?

I'll pause for a short digression...it's interesting to see how people are while they're in 'professional mode' as well as when they let their proverbial hair down in public, namely under the influence of alcohol. Needless to say, I think I need to find reasons to visit the local butcher's shop in the near future. Moving on....

- Back to being honest with strangers...Big V had an old acquaintence, a 'younger sister of a friend' pay us a visit while we were at the pub. She was a brunette, cute, had some tatoos, seemed a little high maintenance, but otherwise placed herself at our table on grounds of association with Big V. 'Fair game' was the non-verbal hint I picked up from Big V, so I start talking to her, trying my best to start a conversation, asking her about what she does, etc. This is the paranoid me talking now...am I doing something wrong by asking her questions? What else do I do? Stare? I guess I didn't want to be rude. Here's a hint...If you're going to sit at someone's table in a bar, please have something to fucking say or contribute. I counted 3 people sitting at a table. Sure there was deafening interpretations of music blaring in the background, but you sat down at a table where you knew 50% of the populace and~nevermind. *takes a deep breath* Said girl at our table decided that she was only going to give me short answers and nothing more. Frankly, I've had more entertaining conversations with my pets.

I felt like asking her to leave. Why didn't I just come right out and say it? I already got away with calling her 'boring' to her face. Clearly she was at least obstructing my view from the other lovely women in the establishment. Regardless, I think the principal of the matter is that she willingly sat at our table and then thwarted any attempts at generating conversation. And...that's really not the problem, is it? Even when I walked up to the pub, I said out loud, 'I'm getting too old for this shit dude.' I think next time, I'll ask her to go somewhere else if she's not going to talk.

Okay, rant over, I'll call mulligan when I'm closer to sobriety. It's fucking late and I have to be up in 4 hours. Will finish further observations at the pub later when I get sleep.

The 'good' kind of sore

This weekend was probably the most productive I've had in a while. Maybe it's when the kids are around that I feel a bit more domesticated? *shrugs* Seriously though, I managed to get all my laundry done, cook dinner (Mmm...charred flesh of fowl!), and condense some space in the garage. The laundry part, I'm glad I got done, now my room's full of boxes of books and keepsakes. Said books and keepsakes have been collecting dust (and spiders) since I moved here in March, so I figured it was time to bring them in. Besides, I need something else to occupy me while being on Square-headed girlfriend hiatus. After all the moving, I'm feeling the pain of manual labor, which is actually pretty satisfying given all I've accomplished.

Toby breaks out the big bed

I am now remembering why I loved my old bed. Not only does it fit 3 people comfortably, but it takes up nearly my whole room. Why's this a good thing? Erm...at least I'm sleeping more soundly? I'll let you know when I figure out the good things. The bed I was sleeping in before was only a single, which doesn't exactly make me feel like inviting the ladies to my house for a sleep-over. That being said, I'm at least more confident about bringing the opposite sex to my house (some is better than none, right?) for extra-curricular activities.

Ravishing Ex Repellant

Normally, If anyone were to ask me if I would still have sex with my ex-wife, I would've answered immediately~'Want-to-tap-that-ass'. Just recently, my ex visited a hair stylist, or a butcher, I'm still deciding. The lovely tangley hair she had before has been chopped, and there's this strange thing nesting on her head where it once lay. When I saw it, all naughty images of her and I getting it on were quickly diffused. It's as if they sprayed her hair with anti-viagra and set her loose on the world. Since she's ensured all the blood will not flow to my other head, I'll say that it's on equal ground as the flowery undies her grandmother was sporting when I wandered into my living room that one horribly scarring day. Is your ex giving you trouble by letting you know he'd still fuck you in a heartbeat? Just visit my ex's hairstylist...they'll ensure even the most desperate men won't let you go down on them. Seriously, I haven't thought about having sex with her since I saw her on Friday night. Poor thing even said she was 'going out'...I'm glad I held in the comment about advertising safe sex through abstinence. *looks shameful momentarily* Oh Karma...you know I'm just having my fun! I really feel quite liberated by this...there's no need to keep record of this, can't you just make this one exception?

*ahem*

In other news...

I still love taking my kids in public with me. They're so well-behaved and they manage to entertain me without even trying. Best of all, they make me look so damn good in front of the ladies. I get so much attention while they're around, or maybe it's just a placebo thing? And what the hell is it about Waitresses that I like? I don't think it's the uniform and I don't think it's because they're always bringing me food and beer. Even the remotely attractive ones seem to make it into my dirty daydreams. I must expand on that later...either that, or find myself a cheaper restaurant to stalk the girlies.

I'm sure I'm missing some things that happened this weekend, but oh well...unfortunately, I have to take the kids home now. Hope you all had an equally productive/enjoyable weekend.

Fear not fellow bloggers

I have been abnormally busy with weening myself from the keyboard lately. It seems that the hours sitting in front of my square-headed girlfriend is too much for my delicate hands (CTS for the lose). I need to save my strength for masturbating as you probably have already guessed.

Frankly, I haven't had a whole lot to talk about other than struggling to find a way to keep myself occupied without the computer. I've relied on it for so long now, I almost forgot what I like doing away from it. Reading is always something i've enjoyed doing and the last book I devoured only took up about 2 days collectively...which means I need to find me a used book store near where I live.

Pending kid weekend

It's kid weekend for me and I'm anxious to see them. Until my car gets repaired, I can't do much to visit them during the week other than make the occasional phone call. I haven't spent a whole lot of time with the little girl lately, so I intend to make up for it with cuddling and silliness.

Sorry I couldn't come up with anything more to discuss here. Hope you all are doing well.

Today was SHIT

I wish I could say that I was being sarcastic, that I was having a splendid day of daydreaming of deliciously wet pussy, but that's not the case. I have slipped in a big way here at work. My concept of what's productive has obviously not been what my superiors have in mind and I got myself a written warning of my negligence...nothing is more demeaning than when it's in writing and when you have to sign it with your own name acknowledging you fucked up. Humble pie is on my plate right now and I can't describe the incredible disappointment that I let things get this out-of-hand at my workplace.

Unfortunately, this means that I have to spend more of my free, unpaid time, writing about my life, and sex, and whatever else I think about on a daily basis, whatever that may be. Sex too.

My sex kitten,

LH, sends me a message this morning saying, 'Where are we going for my Spring Break?' And I am stunned to see the word 'We' in this statement. I'll stop to say how much adore this woman. She has been my true friend in times when I have given up on love/romance and this further reinforces my absolute affection for her. Although we have never met in person, we have talked for years about everything from 'how she likes it' to my most intimate secrets. I appreciate for her honesty and the fact that no matter how bad my day may be, she always shows me the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks sweetie, I don't know where I would be without you...I really mean this. Even when she has another man in her life, I still daydream about being with her, holding her, comforting her when she's down. I wish I could be closer to her, but it's wrong to dwell on things that I can't have immediately. The point is that I still care for her even though we have never shared the same space. I have hope that I'll be in her presence and let the rest of my senses indulge in her purity. Thanks for that LH, you may never know how much I appreciate you for your honesty. Hopefully you will.

Phone calls

I spent a bit of time talking to another person I admire greatly. She's the epitome of what I find sweetest in life~knowledge in her own mortality. We talked for a while until we sadly had to end the phone call. I want to talk to her every day but can't because I don't want to seem that needy. Thanks for taking the time to chat with me. I hate to sound so needy, but you've been such a great influence on me to take note of what I have (in comparison to what I don't have). More about that later when I get my head screwed on tighter.

A renewed sense of pride

Despite the written warning, I am energized with spiteful motivation. I will succeed because I can't fail in something so easy to accomplish. You will see a new person in your workspace...he'll be more intense, and a bit less likely to make vague sexual references to anything you say (that takes practice~let me tell you!). I can't wait to hear your review of my behavior/performance stating how amazing it was to see how poor I was in the beginning and how I am at the time. Maybe I'll even believe you when you say that I put the 'ass' in 'asset'.

I hate to admit that I need motivation to succeed in my job, but the bottom line is that it allows me to have the life I live and possibly a future I can grow into. Sorry English Professors for ending that last statement in a preposition...suck me sideways!

Father/Son Weekend

I picked up the boy on Friday afternoon since the girl was sick. Don't you just love school days? If they didn't have my immunity system, they probably would get sick more often. Still, the girl stayed so she could work on her Halloween costume and have a nice weekend with her mother/grandmother.

He was busy gaming his brains out while I caught up on my book. It's strange, when we're both occupied like this, I feel this sense of satisfaction that, even though we are not in the same room, that we are spending valuable time together. I recall when my father was into reading books before the whole gaming world caught ablaze. He would sit contently with his book while he whistled classical music and I would be doing whatever a kid my age did...probably watch TV or play console games. Even though he didn't converse with me much, I still felt like he was there with me enjoying it. In retrospect, I wish I had been more interested in reading for pleasure back in that day so we had more common ground. Regardless, he and my mother were always there for me when I had my questions/drama. I miss them terribly right now...maybe this is a sign I need to pay another visit to SoCal before they disappear into the reaches of Texas.

Moving on, we had a very nice weekend. I let him make his own schedule and even helped him make his WOW toon more powerful with some extra gold. Remind me to explain how great that is to give him some advantages most people wouldn't have unless they had that kind of support behind him.

We saw 'Open Season' this weekend at the theaters which turned out to be a decent flick in spite of the fact that Aston Koochie or whatever-the-fuck-his-name-is was in it. Toilet humor is truly the boy's greatest weakness. Here's how I know:

• I let him watch the movie 'Caveman' with Ringo Starr that weekend. He friggen loved it...and I even caught some things I totally missed when I saw it last. Have I mentioned how fucking cool it is to see something else amusing in a movie you've seen over a dozen times already? I never knew that they had a Pot Plant in the movie!
• He totally lost it when he saw the part in the movie where they were all digging through Dinosaur shit~we're talkin tears, hysterical laughter, and incomprehensible laughing/talking while he was trying to verbalize how funny it was.

We charred some meat on Saturday, which is my opportunity to hear him praise me on how well I cook for him. I don't know what it is about hearing your kid say, 'Dad, you cook the best bbq', but I am high from it. How the hell does he still do this to me?

Overall, we had a great time together, and I told him as much I could that I loved spending time with him. I'll admit that I feel a pang of regret that I can't do this with him every time I saw him. Why do I feel most at peace when I'm providing for them? Maybe it's something 'primal' that I'm feeling right now~whatever it may be, I'm thankful for having it...I feel like I matter in this world...that I am successful.

I'll stop to say now that every day I spend with my offspring gives me hope that I am making my right way in the world. How splendid it is to feel that I am making my mark in the world by giving my children the opportunity to become better human beings by just being myself. I know...I'm rambling...and freaking happy in spite of where I could be if I spent a little time improving my situation. Either way, it's too late for regret, and the right time for appreciation of where I am in life.